A normal week day for me was to wake up, go to school, leave half day for work study at Montgomery Wards then go home. If I was off work I would rush home at lunch time to wait for the mail man. I would sit at the front window on mailbox watch. Waiting and waiting for the mail truck to turn our corner. Just as I thought I had the mailman’s routine down he changed it. Across the room was a window facing our back yard. While sitting at the front window I would steel a few glances at the back window. Eventually, I saw him turn off the street behind us which meant he was coming to our street! Yeah! Mail!
Then I watched in complete horror as he drove past our street and continued up the main street. I threw myself on the living room couch and yelled “WHERE IS HE GOING?!!”
My Mom came in the room laughing “It is lunch time. He needs to eat too you know.” Our poor mailman. I would spend the next hour pacing back and forth in the front room wishing horrid things upon him (to take place AFTER he delivered MY mail). The hour would pass by ever so slowly. Finally! Here he comes! I would rush out the door and watch him place each piece of mail in the mail box.
If there was a letter from Ronnie I would just toss the other mail on the couch as I ran upstairs to my room. I locked my door, laid down on my bed and read the letter three or four times. I had to read them over and over again because I might have missed a word here or there through my tears. The letters were few and far between. This upset me a great deal but my parents kept reminding me he is not off on vacation. He was being put through many rough, rigorous days and there was barely enough time for sleep let alone writing to a silly girl who wants to beat up the mailman. I waited and waited to hear from Ronnie and I tried to be patient.
Of course there were many days waiting by the mail box where I didn’t receive a letter. Poor mailman. The terrible looks I gave him were as though it was HIS fault. I knew it wasn’t his fault but I was upset and he was standing there.
Friday, November 1, 1985, Ronnie didn’t call and no letter in my mailbox. It was our anniversary and he didn’t even send a post card or anything! Sunday came and still no word from Ronnie. I was completely miserable. I gave up and went to Players with my friends. Did I mention I was miserable? When I finally stopped crying I became angry with the whole world.
As soon as I entered Players my friends all ran over to congratulate me “Happy Anniversary!!” and “What did Ronnie have to say? How is he doing?” To which I replied “Ronnie who?” Flic enthusiastically said “Ya know. Y’er sweetie! Y’er honey! Yer Loverboy.” It was a good thing Giggles got between Flic and I. Strangling her would not have solved anything. I plopped myself down in one of the chairs at our table and sobbed “I guess he stopped thinking about me. He doesn’t love me any more.” Huggles, K-Kay and Flic all tried to cheer me up with “Of course he loves you. Maybe they have him camping or something where there is no phone.” Giggles and Dizzy-D on the other hand were all “So what if he doesn’t? It’s not like it’s the end of the world or anything. Every time you break up with a guy there are at least five guys waiting in line to go out with you. Seriously, when was the last time you didn’t have a boyfriend?” Ok it was true that I was usually dating someone but it did feel like the world was coming to an end.
My friends did their best to cheer me up and got me up on the dance floor a few times. When a slow song came on I would just run to the bathroom. This way I could avoid anyone asking me to dance. Also, it gave me a place to cry. Those slow songs were love songs and made me think of Ronnie. Giggles said I couldn’t hide myself away from the world by running to the bathroom all the time so she made me stay put at the table during the next slow dance.
Sure enough some new guy came up and asked me to dance. I looked at my friends like “Are you freaken kidding me?!” I looked at the guy and very sweetly said I couldn’t dance with him because I have a boyfriend. Apparently that was ok with him. “We are engaged.” “That’s ok, it’s only one dance. Nothing else.” I looked to my friends for some back up but they were all smiles “Come on. He’s cute. He seems nice.” and “Are you sure you have a boyfriend.” Ok, maybe his friends were watching and what guy wants to be shot down in flames in front of his pals? So I went up on the dance floor with him. It was just a dance after all, right?
He was nice. He talked a lot, kept a respectable distance and didn’t try any funny business. He even tried to cheer me up. Then the second slow song came on and it was Madonna - Crazy For You. I couldn’t breath! My face was suddenly wet with tears. I RAN off the dance floor, snatched my purse of the table and made a mad dash for the door! In my hurry to get out I almost knocked down Ronnie’s sister Gina. She said hello or something but I was running to fast to hear what she said.
I got in to my car and started driving. How I managed to get out of that parking lot without hitting anything was just short of a miracle. I couldn’t see anything through all of my tears. I wanted them to stop, just long enough for me to get home. I hate crying! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! Just then I heard someone honking their horn behind me. What a Jerk! Don’t mess with me right now! I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Gina hanging out the passenger side window waving wildly. Apparently she wanted me to pull over. I don’t know why I stopped the car but I did. Right in the middle of the road! They pulled over on the side of the road and Gina stepped out. I saw her coming towards my car so I got out. When she reached me she started to say something but instead of talking she hugged me and I cried hysterically.
When I became somewhat normal and could actually form real words, I asked if anyone at her house had heard from Ronnie recently. “Are you kidding? He always calls or writes you first. I was going to ask you if you had heard from him.” “No. I haven’t heard from him in awhile. It was our anniversary too and he didn’t even send a note or anything. Not one little word from him.” “I know. Remember, he is a guy. Even though he is my brother, I say give him a few more days. I am sure someone will hear from him. If we hear from him first we will call you. You have to do the same too. If you hear from him let us know he is ok and stuff.” Since I had calmed down quit a bit she asked me to come back to Players and we would all make a great night of it. She jokingly said “I’m not my brother but I would dance with you. If that helps.” It made me laugh. Still, I was worn out now and didn’t feel like going back to Players. I thanked her for talking to me and everything but I was going home.
When I got home my Mom told me that both Ronnie and his Mom called. “Oh GREAT! I finally stop waiting by the phone and he calls! I missed his call. I give up!” I stomped up the stairs to my room and crawled into bed with the phone. Just incase Ronnie tried to call again. He didn't.
Ronnie was apparently trying to live up to the promises he made to everyone that he would write to them. Even my friend Giggles! I was so jealous! Why did he write to her?! He had no business writing to her when he could be spending that time writing to me. Silly, I know but I was a tortured teenage soul. The Home Coming dance was just around the corner and Ronnie wasn’t able to come home.
How are you? I’m really good. I feel like a brand new person, thanks to you. Ronnie sent me a post card yesterday. I left it at home, but I’ll bring it tomorrow. Saturday I’m going to get the car and we’ll all go to the game. It starts at 2:00. I say we should get there between one and one-fifteen because they’ll be a lot of people there. If everything is okay with you now I want to go back to buddying around together. Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you in 3rd period.
She got mail from My Ronnie?! I was giving our mailman the evil eye for days and she got mail? I didn’t feel like I was very important to Ronnie at that moment. I was actually fuming at the thought she got mail and I didn’t! After class we Angels were walking up the hallway in school together. Everyone was chatty and making plans for the game. I was to angry to speak. I heard Patrick (guy pal) running up behind us but I didn’t even turn around to look at him. Of all my guy pals he was the one who carried me to my classes the most. When I heard his voice right behind me I stopped dead in my tracks, my body stiffened, my hands clenched into fists then I said in a voice I had never heard before “Don’t. Touch. Me.” My friends backed away. Patrick was really surprised “Whoa. What gives?” He started to scoop me up but I turned around, my face in his and gave him a stare that would have made the devil himself go cold. Patrick took a few steps back and I started to walk ahead. My friends stood where they were and hugged poor Patrick. I was good bit ahead of them but I could still hear what they were saying. “She’ll be fine. Just whatever you do, don’t touch her. She’s moody. Totally moody.” Patrick asked why so they explained “She hasn’t heard from Ronnie in a while. He even missed their anniversary. He also wrote to Giggles.” Then Patrick said to Giggles “Oh, so is he your guy now?” I was so angry I couldn’t see straight!
That night I called Mrs. Leadore to see if they had heard from Ronnie today. “Not today. Did your Mom tell you he tried to call you a few times last night? Leanne called to say she got a letter.” I told her my friend Giggles got a post card. “He said he would call Sunday nights around 7 or 8.” Now I would have to wait a whole week! UGH! The thought of him writing to Leanne was a bit more than I could take. Who is she? She is the mean girl with a huge crush on Ronnie. The one who said mean things to me and Ronnie told her to back off. Why would he write to her? He didn’t think too much of her. He just sort of put up with her because they both worked at Murphy’s Mart. So, he was writing to a girl he doesn’t like and to his fiancé’s friend but not to his family, best friends or his fiancé.
I didn’t cry any more. I couldn’t, there were no more tears left in me. Instead I sort of just grew numb. This wasn’t very comforting to my family and friends but hey, at least I stopped biting people’s heads off for absolutely no reason at all. That had to give them some sort of relief.
I know Mrs. Leadore said Ronnie would call on Sundays but I couldn't make myself leave the house that night. What if he called and I was out again? I wasn't chancing it. A watched phone never rings. It was driving my Mom crazy. She tried and tried to get me out of the house for at least a little while. Nothing was going to get me out of the house that night.
My guy pals John (from band) and Patrick were a little concerned about my zombie attitude. “What happened to the happiest girl in the world. The one that was always smiling. The girl everyone wanted to hang out with. Going to school is always rough but just knowing we would see that beautiful bright smile really picked us up on bad days.” It was true, I was a super upbeat personality. Nothing got me down. I bounced through the hallways at school. I was the peppiest of the peppiest. Now I had become a zombie. Trolling through the hallways without expression. No determination other than to move from class to class and go home at the end of the day. I was just going through the motions. I even stopped going to my school clubs and PomPoms…forget it. Nothing mattered to me any more. I had to just face the fact that I might hear from Ronnie and I might not. There was absolutely nothing I could do about but wait.