Then I started to get nervous. He had said in many of his letters that he was counting on getting married when he came home. I thought he meant when he came home from the Army for good. Even Ronnie didn’t think he would come home before all of his training and A school was finished. I was still in high school, my parents had great plans for me. I had great plans for me. I couldn’t get married right now. I confided in my friends and bounced a few ideas of how to avoid getting married so soon.
I wrote to Ronnie explaining that it was too soon to get married. We were too young. I even quoted my parents “If we really love each other we will still love each other in a few years.” I even added on the phone “When we make it past my college it will be better for us.” He was not happy….”I said, we’ll talk about it when I get there.”
How are you? 9 more days! I can’t wait until the 19th! I really need to talk to him face-to-face. He was really upset on the phone Sunday. He misunderstood my letters. Ronnie thinks I don’t want to marry him at all. Can you believe that? I do want to marry him so badly but right now it scares me. Everything is getting too serious and I feel like I am being forced to grow up too quickly. I want to have fun w/ Ronnie like we use to. Right now he talks only about getting married very soon and going to Germany. It’s okay to be serious but as long as it’s not total, I need a little fun. With him so far away it is hard on us, but that doesn’t mean we have to get married right away. We will still love each other in a few years.
I heard about Huggles, I wish I could help her some how. We all love her and care about her very much. Don’t let her be depressed - that’s what her Mom wants.
Hey what do you say about O.C. We have to find a place. I might have a car by then and I am not leaving it home!
Well, gotta go.
Love Ya Lots!
“LOTSA - LOTSA”
Letter to self 12/10/85
I have hurt too many. Ronnie’s letter tells me that his entire future rests on me. That is too much for me. Although he has never hurt me I am afraid. What if I hurt him?! I think of backing out, but pray that everything will work out in time….Time. What if it grows deeper for him and scares me more? It might hurt him more, I would never want to hurt him. On the other hand I can’t marry him just because I wouldn’t want to interrupt his dream. I do so love him but I can’t help thinking of the hurt and pain. I never want to make anyone feel that way again.
Why am I so confused? I can tell him anything. I know in my heart someday Ronnie will make a wonderful husband!
I was absolutely sure I wanted to marry Ronnie but only after high school and after I established my own career. Ronnie was the first guy to propose to me who thought it was a great idea that I have my own career. He was also the first guy to propose to me that I was actually in Love with! Oh my goodness, I was so in Love with him!
Before I met Ronnie I had been proposed to 9 times…well, 8 since one guy proposed twice in the same year. Yes, I was shocked each time due to my age. Of the 8 guys who had proposed 7 of them I had never even gone out on a date with. Most of them had known me since I was in 6th grade so they knew what they were asking for. Me, I was flattered but there was no way I was going to say Yes when I still had to figure out History, Physics and what a computer DOS could do. Most importantly, I never even considered going out with them let alone marriage. The 8th guy, was Jimmy and I still felt I was way too young and inexperienced in wifely duties to even consider him.
When Ronnie proposed he knew what he was getting into. He knew that I wanted to go to college and establish my own career. He did whittle me down to when I graduated from college to get married. He thought it would be a great idea for me to have not only a job but something that could really make me bloom as an individual. He didn’t care if I did volunteer work afterwards or if I brought in a small income. He did have one condition…that I be home when he came through the front door at the end of his work day. He definitely wanted to be the bread winner and he wanted my parents to know that I was well taken care of.
Being away from Ronnie for three months was hard on both of us because we missed each other so much!! I was willing to say “Ok, after I graduate from college we will get married.” On the phone and in his letters he was always pushing to get married ASAP! During his last phone call before coming home “Maybe when I get off the air plane we could have a priest there? My parents will already be there and people love a wedding so we could get a few people at the airport for witnesses.” Um, what happened to me at least finishing freaken High School?! Ok, I missed him terribly!!! I was even feeling like I was going nuts without him around. I would have agreed but getting a GED instead of my diploma? So NOT happening!