Friday, July 20, 2007

Grosser Than Gross Give Away

There is a wonderful website called Adventures in Babywearing. I enjoy reading her blog and guess what? She is having a contest for a Dirt Devil KONE. My old dust buster is from 1991 so I could really use a new one. I have really worn it out over the years. Think of all the ease of cleaning up Crafts, crumbs, Crafts, pets and little ones!

For the contest she wants to hear about our Grosser Than Gross stories like when Snow White hid an apple in the garment bag for three months before Mommy discovered it.

I must warn you this could get really ugly. If you are eating lunch right now…come back later, when you do be prepared to run from the computer.

Years ago when my son was about a 1 ½ years old the Man said he was in the mood for Taco Bell. Since there were no Taco Bells in our town we drove to another city about 45 minutes away. I had never been to this other city so Taco Bell or not I was game.

It was a bit after dinner time, the restaurant was not exactly busy but it was far from empty. We ordered our food, picked out a highchair and found a table. While we waited for our food I went to pick up napkins, straws and such with Man and son at the table. As I walked toward the table something struck me as odd …Oh, ewww. Someone smells and needs a diaper change.

I go out to the car to retrieve the diaper bag and return to a scene of Gross proportions! Pretty much everyone is familiar with the School science project volcanoes right? Over at our table there was something that resembled a project volcano but it was much larger than any I had ever seen. The vast amounts of lava it spewed was not red but green! At the top of the “volcano” sat my little baby boy. A fast stream of green globs flowed down all four legs of the highchair into a large puddle already formed on the floor.

The Man flashes me a panic stricken look, grabs the baby and rushes past me so fast I don’t even notice he snatched the keys right out of my hand. I could not believe what I saw. How could so much come out of one tiny little person? How in the world am I going to clean this up? I seemed to have been paralyzed for minutes but I am sure it was far more brief. The Man started pulling on my arm and rushing me to the car while holding the baby at a bit of a distance. This whole scene plays out in about 4 seconds but felt like slow motion to me.

He took off his shirt and laid it down as protection for the car seat. He drove out of there so fast I had no time to think. We were 45 minutes from home and the volcano was still erupting! Finally the car stops and we are in the parking lot of a strip mall. I change the baby but there are just not enough baby wipes in a travel pack to really clean him up. We did not bring an extra set of clothes since we did not plan on being out very long. I volunteer to purchase an outfit and extra wipes at the store closest to us. The Man was not having any of that! He had to get away from the stench and fast!

As I sit in the car with the worst smell in the world I find I can still smile. All through this my baby was smiling at me as if he just performed some wonderful trick. I start to feel really bad when I think of the poor minimum wage Taco Bell employee who will be cleaning up the aftermath of the green volcano. Twenty minutes later the Man is back and I mention we should go back so I can clean up the mess. Embarrassed to the fullest he says firmly we are never going back there ever! He could not bring himself to face the Taco Bell again.

The Man bought baby wipes, a new outfit, three rolls of paper towels, and 2 cans of air freshener. All the way home he held his head out the window making gagging noises and spraying the freshener in the car. To this day he cannot look at Taco Bell without thinking of the green volcano. The car was detailed TWICE and the Man still did not want to drive that car. It was not funny the day it happened but now it makes me laugh thinking about the way the Man “handled” the whole situation.

Don't forget about the Elizabeth Arden Give Away!


Glass Half Full said...

I just showered....maybe I need to shower again!


Adventures In Babywearing said...

THIS IS HILARIOUS! Oh my gosh, my hubby would be gagging out the window, too, I can just see it! I love your choice of artwork, too!


Elizabeth F. said...

Love the pics you chose to go with the hubby would be gagging as well! :-)

Brillig said...

Uh.. yeah. Okay. If this one doesn't win, I don't think I can bear to read the one that does. Hilarious and awful all at once!!