Mean Girl has Returned

The first day of school brought all kinds of exciting news! “When we have a really good day in class and finish up early we get to DANCE!” I am liking the new teacher. What kid doesn’t like to move to the music? Even if they cannot dance they have fun with it.

Everyone thought her outfit was super cute. I was a little nervous about Snow White’s choice of fashion for the first day of school. Remember we moved from the big city out here to the country. Fashion is pretty much jeans and a tee shirt for most in these parts. Not to say there are not a few fashion savy people out here but there is limited supply of anything fashionalble out here. Last year a few Mean Girls picked on Snow White due to her outfits which would blend right in at the big city school she use to attend. Being the new kid from out of state did not help either.

I was very pleased to hear her classmates were now seeing her choice of style in a positive light. It was very difficult to shop for her wardrobe out here. Finding the simplest item such as knee-high socks and shoes that would match her outfits was especially difficult. There are no knee-high socks in the country for little girls. However, they do have them in my size. How ridiculous is that? Are there really 40 year old mothers who wear knee high socks?

Only two of her friends from last year are in her class this year “American Girl” and “Gymnast”. American Girl sits next to her in class and Gymnast sits across the room. I was so happy to hear these two wonderful girls are in her class. They played together during their two recesses and were joined by a new friend. We will call the new friend “Lunch Girl” for now until I get to know more about her. Why “Lunch Girl”? She and Snow White were in charge of handing out the lunch boxes when their class headed in to the cafeteria for lunch.

I asked what they did during recess and found out they mostly talked. When I said “What did you talk about?” her answer was “You know, life. Her life. My life. Things that are going on in the world.” I had to stifle a chuckle when I heard that last part! “She talked about how she misses her Dad. He works a lot so she doesn’t see him much. I told her I don’t see my Dad either.” She was a little sad about this and I tried to cheer her up. I cannot recall what I said but it did make her laugh. Why Snow White has not seen her Dad is a whole story of it’s own. It will take up pages and pages. Maybe I will write about it later.

After dinner Snow White announced she would be in her room reading for 15 minutes. This was her homework for the night. I checked on her from time to time. She was laying on her bed reading one of the Magic Tree House books. After an hour passed by she came to me and asked if her 15 minutes were up? I told her she had been reading for an hour. Her eyebrows went up and said “Oh, it only takes an hour to read a whole Magic Tree House book? It took you two whole days to read the new Harry Potter book.”

She sat in my lap for a little while. With her head resting on my chest she quietly said “L is in my class this year.” This is one of the Mean Girls who picked on her on and off through out the past year at daycare. Snow White explained that the other Mean Girl changed and was nice to her. “L” never gave up. Even when Snow White walked away from her “L” would whisper some snide remark to those around her which set them off in giggles. I told Snow White to give “L” a chance. “It is a new school year. Let’s try to start her off on a clean slate shall we?” She gave out a heavy sigh but agreed. Then she perked right up and said “Maybe “L’s” life at home has changed. Maybe she doesn’t need to be hateful any more. I sure hope she has changed at least a little.” When “L” started to be a problem at daycare I told Snow White maybe the little girl has some problems and might not have such a happy home life. We know nothing about her home life. It just seemed like a good thing to say at the time. You know the old saying “Misery loves company.”

I am hoping the teacher will keep an eye on “L” and squash all ill communication between them. At least she isn’t sitting next to Snow White. Maybe having the Mean Girl in a classroom setting will keep her on her toes and be more mindful of good manners. Maybe. I really do hope all goes well in the classroom. If not then it will be a growing experience and I will know exactly what book to give “L” for the book exchange…



Mean Girls - Facing your beauty turned beast (available at Amazon.com for $9.99 in paper back) A great book to read with her Mommy.

Mommy Homework - This school has it Going On! They sent home a very neatly printed out form with all the information I gave them last year. Next to each nicely printed out line on the form were two boxes Okay and Change. If you needed to update just one line you did not need to fill out the whole forms all over again! How GREAT is that?!

I did receive a Volunteer form which only asks for parents to participate during school hours. In the big city school Snow White attended before they at least gave working parents the option to help with baked goods or after school functions and sometimes classroom projects at home (lots of paper cutting and a few posters now and then). In our new home town I am the one and only single parent. They have an abundance of Stay At Home Moms (SAHM) to fill the volunteer needs of every school. Not wishing to seem as though I was shrugging off my school parent duties I wrote a note at the bottom of the form stating I work full time but would love to help with baked goods and evening activities.

You may think all my Mommy Homework preparation was in vain but I think not. It is sort of the same scenario as carrying an umbrella with you while you shop. It may be a nuisance but the weather man did say there was an 80% chance of rain. You are almost guaranteed it will not rain while you are out shopping simply because you lugged that umbrella around with you.

I Am Bruce!

Tuesday, after work I picked up Snow White at the daycare center. She was in a great hurry to get out of there. She rushed into the car and quickly said “Hurry Mom! Let’s go! Roll up all the windows! Let’s go!”

I have never seen her like this before. As I sat in the drivers seat all I could do was blankly stare at her sitting in the back. She gave me some crazy, scary look which brought me to the understanding that we really needed to get a move on.

As we are driving down the street her gaze is fixed on the daycare center as if a dragon was going to come right out the front door and fry us with his fiery breath.



As we turned the corner her insistence started again…”Hurry Mom! Hurry! We need to get out of range. We really do.” About a mile away from the daycare center she let out a sigh of relief and finally relaxed…for about 5 seconds.

“Mom! Mom! I have to tell you something! It’s something really, really important!” Hmm, maybe there really was a dragon about to jump out of the daycare center, do you think?

Me: “Alright honey, what is it that has you all frazzled?”
Snow White: “Are we far enough from the daycare where they cannot hear us?”
Me: “We are plenty far enough. Go ahead and tell me what ever it is.”
Snow White: “Are you sure? Are you really, really sure?”
Me: “We could drive to Mexico and you can tell me there.”
Snow White: “Ok…um this is what happened. Um, maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”

Now my dander is up! She really has me all worked up and my patience is going out the window. ‘shouldn’t tell you’ She better start spilling it out right now! But I have to be calm so I can find out what happened. ugh!

Me: “Honey, you can tell Mommy any thing. Don’t worry about, just tell me.”
Snow White: “Ok but if I say a bad word would you get mad?”
Me: “Can you replace the bad word with a not so bad word?”
Snow White: “No.”
Me: “Tell me without saying the bad word.”
Snow White: “That wont work.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes while I think. I do not feel comfortable giving her permission to say a bad word but I need to know what made her so afraid. I want to know what the heck happened?! Her scared little face is reflected in my rearview mirror. I need to let her say what ever it is so I can reassure her everything will be alright.

Me: “Ok, you can say the bad word this one time. Do you understand you can only say it this one time, never, ever again.”
Snow White: “Ok [big gulp] here goes.”
She closes her eyes and ….
“I. Am. Bruce! I. Am. Bruce! I. Am. Bruce!”
It sort of hit me like an annoying yappy puppy noise but I was waiting for her to tell me what happened.

Apparently a slightly older boy started yelling this at the daycare center, for no apparent reason. A staff member came over and firmly told the boy never to do that again! Snow White laughed because she thought the boy was funny. Then the staff member gave her a steel-eyed-gaze which shut her up right then and there. At that precise moment is when I walked in to pick her up.
She was not afraid of the staff member, she was afraid one of those words out of that boys mouth was a “bad word.”



I explained to Snow White the boy might have been annoying the staff with his little outburst of “I am Bruce” for a good while before they told him to stop.

In the end it was all just a big to do about nothing.

Update on the Daycare Bullies L&E. They, along with Snow White, have all agreed to Thumpers rule of “if you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” and basically they are ignoring each other. Not the best solution but it makes for a more peaceful daycare.

World Peace? No, Just Peaceful Daycare

Every day, some where in the world, there is a child who comes home from school upset or crying due to someone else's bad behavior. It is really sad but true. I think of it as a rite of passage thing. Children have these experiences in their young life to see how they handle it. If you don't handle it right not to worry...it will happen again...until it is handled correctly.

Today was my daughter's turn to handle it.

When I arrived at the daycare to pick her up she was happily building a log cabin with three boys. As we left she darted back inside to show the lead caregiver the tiny bears she had in her pocket. She skipped out the door and into the car. While she told me about her day Lauren and Elizabeth came up. When their names are mentioned it is usually followed by some horrible thing they did to her or said to her. Snow White was so upset this time she burst in to tears and her words caught in her throat as she tried to speak. The frequency has become more than Snow White can bare.

She has tried to keep her distance from them but that is not always possible. They all ride the same bus both in the morning and afternoon. Thank goodness Snow White is not in the same classroom or on the same lunch time as these two. Elizabeth is in 3rd grade but Lauren is in 2nd grade just like Snow White. Lauren has recess the same time as Snow White but they do not have to be near each other. All three of them do have to stand in the same line after school while waiting for the bus to arrive for about 15 minutes. There is a teacher watching over them while they wait so the girls have no opportunity to misbehave at that time. They are all at the daycare center from 3:30 to 5:00 in the evening. There are activity rooms for the children to play in but they all seem to enjoy the same activities so they end up in the same room from time to time. Snow White thought it was very unfair that she should always have to give up the arts and crafts room because L & E were in also in the room.

On our way home tonight I thought about turning the car around and heading back to the daycare center. I wanted to tell those girls a thing or two! "Are you so low class you have to talk trash to everyone around you? What, your Momma don't love you?! She didn't teach you any manners? Are you an animal? You do not belong in this nice place so scat you rat!" or maybe "When you see my daughter come around you better be nice or I will sick Guido on your tiny pathetic arse! Capuche?! "

Ok, so I would never say anything like that but come on...you know it would feel good to put a bully/brat in their place. You see them at the stores, in restaurants and other places. Tell me there hasn't been a time when you wanted to verbally scare the poop out of them!

Mean thoughts were racing through my brain like telling Snow White several mean and nasty things to say right back at those awful girls! What would that accomplish? With the repetitiveness required to make an impact on these girls my sweet little girl would turn out just like them!! Hell NO I don't want my daughter to be like THEM!

Instead I comforted my little Snow White and tried my best to explain nasty/mean people are everywhere. To change they need God's help and they have to want to change. I told her maybe they have a miserable life and everyone knows misery loves company. They think if they are miserable why shouldn't everyone around them be miserable? At this point my brain stopped racing and I felt sorry for these girls. They do not know how to deal with their peers other than bullying. I tried to get Snow White to see that they must have some family or other issues going on in their very young lives. She protested saying no one is miserable, people are happy in their hearts and everyone is good. Oh the sweetness of innocent youth.

When we arrived home I called the daycare center and spoke with daycare director. I explained nicely what we have done to this point and Snow White had reached the end of her rope with these girls. The director informed me that Snow White had approached the her and other staff with her concerns regarding L & E. She also said they sat all three girls down and had a chat with them. After that she thought everything was working out. Snow White joined our conversation while passing by my room. She explained how she has left an activity she enjoys due to the girls coming in the room. Also the girls whisper their threats and derogatory comments when they pass by her on the bus and within the center.

I was actually very surprised to hear my 7 year old Snow White handled the situation so maturely. She had the mind set to actually speak up and inform the director and other staff about the situation. She is growing up, not being a shy little girl who allows people to just walk all over her. Trying to make a positive impact on things around her.

It is sad this sort of thing happens but then again it is a growing experience which she handled correctly. Tomorrow the staff will again sit down with all the girls. Snow White assured me she will not be afraid to speak up for herself. I hope it is also a well received growing experience for the other two girls. After all, they are all in the same generation and will likely have some effect (large or small) on each other later on in life.

I know Snow White is not the first to go through this. I recently found these blog entries Cheeky Lotus and Silicon Valley Moms