What’s a Mother to Do? The Horror Continues…or Am I just Paranoid?

Thursday at lunch time it started to snow as I drove ManSon to work. School was closed but Snow White went to Daycare as usual in the morning. During lunch, on my way to drop ManSon off at work the Daycare called. “Momma’s World, we saw a bug in Snow White’s hair. You need to pick her up right away.” I look over at ManSon in the passenger seat and say “Am I awake or am I dreaming? This just isn’t possible.” He couldn’t believe it either. What in the world! I was so angry I could have spit nails!

I dropped off ManSon and went straight to the Daycare. I just could not believe there was yet another freaken bug! How can this happen over and over and over again? She had been lice free for 10 days. This is actually the longest length of time she has been lice free while attending both Daycare and school. When she was home for Thanksgiving and Winter breaks she was fine. I started having thoughts of taking her out of school and daycare forever. Maybe even shaving her head and letting her wear a wig too. No, no, that would not do. That would be like punishing Snow White and she has done nothing wrong.

I spoke with the Daycare director who informed me they had to spray all the coats around Snow White’s, vacuum and dust and pretty much do a good deal of housekeeping. She was a little irritated but could still manage a smile. I felt the same way. I told her we have been doing the same things at home in addition to the hours and hours of hair treatments and changing her bed every day. All of her toys had been taken out of her room. Now there is just a bed, dresser, book shelf and desk. I was out of ideas so I said “We are definitely using the dog shampoo again.” To which the director snottily said “You SHOULD use the stuff that ACTULLY kills them.” My blood went straight to boiling and I snapped back “It is the ONLY thing that has kept her lice free for longer than 3 days!” With that I grabbed Snow White’s hand and walked out.

I called a neighbor to see if she could come over to watch her for the rest of the day. She would meet us at the house. As soon as we got home I took out Snow White’s braids to inspect her hair. I was SHOCKED at what I found….nothing. Absolutely NOTHING! No bugs, not one! No eggs, nits, nothing! I was both angry and relieved at the same time. Angry that the Daycare had Snow White excluded from the other children which made her feel bad. I was running late getting back to work and there was no reason for it. On the other hand, I was relieved that Snow White and I did not have to endure the grueling hours of treating her hair again.

I called the Daycare “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that Snow White does not have any lice, live or eggs in her hair.” The director quickly responded “That is not true! I saw it with my own eyes! Valerie saw it first and then she showed it to me. IF that bug crawled off of her into our office then it is surely dead now. We sprayed the office completely.”

I continued with the bad news “The bad news is I think Snow White picked up that crawling bug from the Daycare. She did not go to school today. She has not been itchy, she hasn’t had any eggs, lice or signs of lice in her hair for days and days.”

The director interrupted me “I saw it with my own eyes! There was a bug crawling in her hair! You CANNOT bring her back today! Well, maybe if you take her to the doctor and have them inspect her hair and give you a letter stating she is ok to return.”

“I have absolutely no intentions of taking her back to daycare today or even tomorrow. I am now thinking the lice might be coming from someone at the daycare. This will give you the weekend to make sure the daycare is clean enough for her to return. I cannot keep going through this. Snow White cannot keep going through this.” The director kept insisting the bug could not have come from the daycare. We both agreed to disagree and hung up.

Snow White was happy to be home. She would much rather be here playing with her DS Lite and watching TV than being at the noisy Daycare all day. I laughed and said “Well, you got your wish. You get to stay home until school starts back up next week. No Daycare until it is absolutely necessary.” Then I went back to work. The computers were down. Later that night my parked Lincoln was in an accident. This was just not my day huh?

After dealing with the accident I talked things over with my sister I thought maybe I should take Snow White to Daycare the next morning. I was not going to leave her there. I would only let them check her hair and see for themselves there is nothing in her hair.

By Friday morning I had changed my mind. The roads were still a bit messy with the snow and ice. Why should I subject Snow White and myself to a treacherous drive on the slippery roads just to prove my point? Instead, I let her stay home and I head straight to work. On my way to work I called the Daycare. They were still insisting that they do not have any children with lice nor do they have lice anywhere in their facility.

The owner just happened to be there when I called. She insisted that they have cleaned the daycare center several times over the past few months “With all the money we have spent on de-licing the facility we should now own stock.” I told her I felt the same way. I also explained that I my fear of these heinous insects is far to great for me to allow her to come back to daycare today. “I just cannot do it. We don’t want to spend our entire weekend treating her hair again. At this point I don’t know if it is the Daycare or School but she didn’t even go to school yesterday and you said you saw one in her hair.”

The owner and director were obviously getting a bit testy. “We spoke with the school and we KNOW there are kids in her class infected with lice. Snow White is the only child we have seen here itching and scratching. Your daughter is the cause of lice in the school and here at the daycare!”

I almost lost it! What? How dare they say such a thing!

“Yes, there are children in her class with lice. There are also many other classrooms infected. What I don’t know is how many of them have contact with other children at the daycare center. Snow White is NOT the only child at the daycare center who attends that school. I am angry that other parents are taking their children to daycare/school and NOT telling anyone that they have lice! I let the daycare and school know about it as soon as we discovered it on Snow White. I have kept everyone informed all through this. I was outraged that the school knew about this outbreak for months but did not alert any of the parents! Maybe this is how it is handled here in this state. The daycare and school grind down hard on everyone but makes them feel like they are each the one and only cause of the problem.”

Owner: “Have you been retreating her hair with the shampoo after 14 days?”

Me: “No, I have not. We were doing it every three days because they seemed to come back every third day when she is in school and daycare.”

Owner: “Three days is too soon. You need to wait the full 14 days otherwise it does no good.”

Me: “If she has live lice in her hair I cannot wait 9 more days to re-treat her hair. That is ridiculous!”

Owner: “It sounds like you are over doing it then.”

And then my head explodes.

Is she kidding? First she says I am not doing enough and that my child is the cause of all of this. The she says I am over doing it? sheesh!

We spoke for a bit longer. The owner and director still insisting that it was all Snow White’s fault. Every class from 2nd -5th grade has 2-5 children per class infected at the school. A bug was crawling on Snow White at the Daycare center on a day she didn’t even attend school. I cannot see the logic in their argument.

I know I was getting angry on the phone. When we both reached the point of yelling I knew I had to stop and just take a breath. “I do not mean to yell at you. I am just angry and far beyond frustrated with this entire situation. Snow White will not return to the Daycare center until school starts back up next week.”

This morning while checking Snow White’s hair she asked me why I was checking again? Because I am paranoid. What does paranoid mean? I thought for a moment and said “It means you are so afraid of something that you think you see it even if it isn’t there. Like when I see a tiny piece of lint or dust in your hair then Freak Out!” She paused for a moment then a light seemed to go on and a big smile came across her face “Oh you mean the lice made you crazy?” Exactly!

When I dropped off Snow White at Daycare, one of the staff comes over with such a sour look on her face. Not the normal sweet “Hello” or “Good morning” with a smile. This morning it was a very stern “Hey, you cannot leave until we check her hair.” I knew they were going to check her hair and I was really looking forward to it. What did they find? The same thing I found…NOTHING!

While saying goodbye, have a fantastic day to Snow White I noticed something different. Four girls at the Daycare no longer had long hair. Apparently, over the weekend they all got short hair cuts. The same thing has been happening in Snow White’s school. I have seen more than 10 girls in different classes and grades all of whom have their hair shorter and shorter from week to week. The tell tail signs that NO, my daughter is not the only one who has been afflicted with this horribleness.

Just after 10 AM I received a call “Is this Momma’s World? This is the School Nurse.” I was ready for it. I was going to loose my temper. Everyone in the vicinity of my office was going to hear me give it to her! But then…

School Nurse: “I received a call from your daycare center saying they found lice on Snow White Thursday. Although school was not in session it is our policy that children found to have lice in school must be treated before they return.”

I explained to the School Nurse that I did not treat Snow White’s hair for lice. Why? Because she did not have any signs of lice when I picked her up from the daycare. I checked her immediately after picking her up.

Me: “I checked her hair this morning. Nothing. The daycare checked her this morning. Again, nothing.”

School Nurse: “I checked her myself this morning and I did not see anything. It is my responsibility to tell you what our school policy is regarding lice. I did check Snow White along with other students Wednesday morning before the break. I found no signs of lice on Snow White.”

Me: “Yet, the daycare said she had one crawling on her Thursday afternoon. I know exactly what the school policy is. I have picked her up from school several times now. If you do find lice in her hair ever again (deep breath) she will not be returning to school until I have proof from the Health Department that the school is finished with this plague. Does the school have a policy that covers private home tutoring for children who are unable to attend school due to illness?”

School Nurse: “Why, I just don’t know about that. I have never heard of such a policy myself.”

Me: “Well, if she catches it again that is the path we are taking. There is no way I can continue to send my child to school to be re-infected again and again. This has been going on for months. She is fine when she is home, away from school and daycare. I refuse to continue like this any longer.”

School Nurse: “Have you taken her to the doctor? A doctor might be able to help you.”

Me: (is she kidding?!) “Yes, she has been to the doctor. I have told you before that we went to the doctor. We tried the prescription shampoo and later with an antibiotic. The doctor even started to “Google” for any other solutions. When a doctor has run out of ideas and results to “Googling” you know he is at his wits end. He doesn’t know what else to do for her.

School Nurse: Well, we have to go on the parents word that they are doing what they are telling us.

Me: “I cannot believe that someone would say they are doing all of these things and not actually do them! Why would someone do that? Why would someone let those nasty things exist in their child’s hair? I have been through hell trying to get rid of them but I never just gave up. Who would do that?! It makes me angry that someone would allow their child to go back to school with it.”


School Nurse: “We don’t have the authority to go into their homes and make sure they are actually taking all the precautions.”

Me: “As I said, if it happens again, Snow White will not return to school until the school is cleared by the Health Department.”

Now I have a headache.

Bills Out of Control

I do not know what has been going on this past month but the bills hit me like a ton of bricks! This weekend I will go through each bill and see what can be done to reduce the amount owed next month.

Wow! All that goes on inside the house is far more expensive than the house on a monthly basis! Does this mean after 30 years the house will be all mine and I will own all the utility companies too?

Now for the strategy to get things back to normal

House Gas ($250) - Get on the monthly plan BEFORE winter hits again. (heating & cooking still paying for winter use)

Electric ($71.23) - Maybe go around and unplug everything except the microwave, computer and my alarm clock. But I love my air fresheners so I will keep the fresheners in the bathrooms and the kitchen plugged in.

Phone ($187.29 ) - Apparently I forgot to pay last month's bill and there is a $30 late fee. Make sure never to be late with a payment again. $30 late fee on a $75 bill? That is almost HALF the cost! Go over phone plan to see what can be changed. I still want the "long distance any time, any where plan." What is the deal with Local Long Distance? Shouldn't it be either Local or Long Distance? Not with this area. Apparently you pay for Local, Local Long Distance and Long Distance.

Cable ($154.23) - Will sit the children (teens) down for a long talk about the use of Movies On Demand. There is a channel for FREE Movies On Demand, we have a vast variety of movies on tape and DVD if they get bored with the FMOD channel. We do have cable for-crying-out-loud. There must be SOMETHING on TV to watch, if you must watch TV, with all those bazillion channels we get. If not there are always the board games to play or work around the house to be done.

Cell Phone ($71.23) - I have the everything, everywhere, bells and whistles, tons of minutes, unlimited super-duper plan. My sister and I talk almost every day for two hours or more. I need my cell phone with it's blue tooth capabilities. This allows me to chat with her and continue with the housework, craft project, shopping, yard work or whatever I happen to have planned at that time. I can take my cell phone anywhere with me so our conversations are not interrupted by what activity I am doing at the time. I really should review my plan. Although I use my cell phone to great extent with my sister and family I lost around 2,000 minutes after rolling them over for more than 2 years.

Daycare ($468) - Yeah, school will start and Daycare will go down to $388 due to part time care instead of full time. That will save me $80 per month.

Car Payment ($349) - I am actually going to increase this to at least $600 per month. I will send in a separate check for $251 with "Towards Principal Only" written in the memo section on the check. This should lower the amount of interest owed each month and will pay the car off a lot sooner which will rid me of this monthly bill.

Car Gas ($120) - It is what it is. Last weekend the price of gas went from $2.95 to $2.75 per gallon for Regular Unleaded. This week it dropped down to $2.65 per gallon. It still feels like it costs the same to fill up my tank $51.54 for one tank full. I remember the good old days of 2003 when I could fill up my Lincoln Town Car for only $20. Oh well, at least it isn’t $3.00 per gallon.

Food ($600) - I could clip coupons but that has never really been my thing. I would either leave them on the kitchen counter top at home or in the car. Most of the really good coupons in the Sunday paper are for items I would not normally buy so this does not save me money. I think $600 to feed a family of four with two teenagers is pretty decent.

Well, this is my plan to attack the bills. Are your bills getting the best of you? What do you do to keep them under control?

I Am Bruce!

Tuesday, after work I picked up Snow White at the daycare center. She was in a great hurry to get out of there. She rushed into the car and quickly said “Hurry Mom! Let’s go! Roll up all the windows! Let’s go!”

I have never seen her like this before. As I sat in the drivers seat all I could do was blankly stare at her sitting in the back. She gave me some crazy, scary look which brought me to the understanding that we really needed to get a move on.

As we are driving down the street her gaze is fixed on the daycare center as if a dragon was going to come right out the front door and fry us with his fiery breath.



As we turned the corner her insistence started again…”Hurry Mom! Hurry! We need to get out of range. We really do.” About a mile away from the daycare center she let out a sigh of relief and finally relaxed…for about 5 seconds.

“Mom! Mom! I have to tell you something! It’s something really, really important!” Hmm, maybe there really was a dragon about to jump out of the daycare center, do you think?

Me: “Alright honey, what is it that has you all frazzled?”
Snow White: “Are we far enough from the daycare where they cannot hear us?”
Me: “We are plenty far enough. Go ahead and tell me what ever it is.”
Snow White: “Are you sure? Are you really, really sure?”
Me: “We could drive to Mexico and you can tell me there.”
Snow White: “Ok…um this is what happened. Um, maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”

Now my dander is up! She really has me all worked up and my patience is going out the window. ‘shouldn’t tell you’ She better start spilling it out right now! But I have to be calm so I can find out what happened. ugh!

Me: “Honey, you can tell Mommy any thing. Don’t worry about, just tell me.”
Snow White: “Ok but if I say a bad word would you get mad?”
Me: “Can you replace the bad word with a not so bad word?”
Snow White: “No.”
Me: “Tell me without saying the bad word.”
Snow White: “That wont work.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes while I think. I do not feel comfortable giving her permission to say a bad word but I need to know what made her so afraid. I want to know what the heck happened?! Her scared little face is reflected in my rearview mirror. I need to let her say what ever it is so I can reassure her everything will be alright.

Me: “Ok, you can say the bad word this one time. Do you understand you can only say it this one time, never, ever again.”
Snow White: “Ok [big gulp] here goes.”
She closes her eyes and ….
“I. Am. Bruce! I. Am. Bruce! I. Am. Bruce!”
It sort of hit me like an annoying yappy puppy noise but I was waiting for her to tell me what happened.

Apparently a slightly older boy started yelling this at the daycare center, for no apparent reason. A staff member came over and firmly told the boy never to do that again! Snow White laughed because she thought the boy was funny. Then the staff member gave her a steel-eyed-gaze which shut her up right then and there. At that precise moment is when I walked in to pick her up.
She was not afraid of the staff member, she was afraid one of those words out of that boys mouth was a “bad word.”



I explained to Snow White the boy might have been annoying the staff with his little outburst of “I am Bruce” for a good while before they told him to stop.

In the end it was all just a big to do about nothing.

Update on the Daycare Bullies L&E. They, along with Snow White, have all agreed to Thumpers rule of “if you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” and basically they are ignoring each other. Not the best solution but it makes for a more peaceful daycare.

World Peace? No, Just Peaceful Daycare

Every day, some where in the world, there is a child who comes home from school upset or crying due to someone else's bad behavior. It is really sad but true. I think of it as a rite of passage thing. Children have these experiences in their young life to see how they handle it. If you don't handle it right not to worry...it will happen again...until it is handled correctly.

Today was my daughter's turn to handle it.

When I arrived at the daycare to pick her up she was happily building a log cabin with three boys. As we left she darted back inside to show the lead caregiver the tiny bears she had in her pocket. She skipped out the door and into the car. While she told me about her day Lauren and Elizabeth came up. When their names are mentioned it is usually followed by some horrible thing they did to her or said to her. Snow White was so upset this time she burst in to tears and her words caught in her throat as she tried to speak. The frequency has become more than Snow White can bare.

She has tried to keep her distance from them but that is not always possible. They all ride the same bus both in the morning and afternoon. Thank goodness Snow White is not in the same classroom or on the same lunch time as these two. Elizabeth is in 3rd grade but Lauren is in 2nd grade just like Snow White. Lauren has recess the same time as Snow White but they do not have to be near each other. All three of them do have to stand in the same line after school while waiting for the bus to arrive for about 15 minutes. There is a teacher watching over them while they wait so the girls have no opportunity to misbehave at that time. They are all at the daycare center from 3:30 to 5:00 in the evening. There are activity rooms for the children to play in but they all seem to enjoy the same activities so they end up in the same room from time to time. Snow White thought it was very unfair that she should always have to give up the arts and crafts room because L & E were in also in the room.

On our way home tonight I thought about turning the car around and heading back to the daycare center. I wanted to tell those girls a thing or two! "Are you so low class you have to talk trash to everyone around you? What, your Momma don't love you?! She didn't teach you any manners? Are you an animal? You do not belong in this nice place so scat you rat!" or maybe "When you see my daughter come around you better be nice or I will sick Guido on your tiny pathetic arse! Capuche?! "

Ok, so I would never say anything like that but come on...you know it would feel good to put a bully/brat in their place. You see them at the stores, in restaurants and other places. Tell me there hasn't been a time when you wanted to verbally scare the poop out of them!

Mean thoughts were racing through my brain like telling Snow White several mean and nasty things to say right back at those awful girls! What would that accomplish? With the repetitiveness required to make an impact on these girls my sweet little girl would turn out just like them!! Hell NO I don't want my daughter to be like THEM!

Instead I comforted my little Snow White and tried my best to explain nasty/mean people are everywhere. To change they need God's help and they have to want to change. I told her maybe they have a miserable life and everyone knows misery loves company. They think if they are miserable why shouldn't everyone around them be miserable? At this point my brain stopped racing and I felt sorry for these girls. They do not know how to deal with their peers other than bullying. I tried to get Snow White to see that they must have some family or other issues going on in their very young lives. She protested saying no one is miserable, people are happy in their hearts and everyone is good. Oh the sweetness of innocent youth.

When we arrived home I called the daycare center and spoke with daycare director. I explained nicely what we have done to this point and Snow White had reached the end of her rope with these girls. The director informed me that Snow White had approached the her and other staff with her concerns regarding L & E. She also said they sat all three girls down and had a chat with them. After that she thought everything was working out. Snow White joined our conversation while passing by my room. She explained how she has left an activity she enjoys due to the girls coming in the room. Also the girls whisper their threats and derogatory comments when they pass by her on the bus and within the center.

I was actually very surprised to hear my 7 year old Snow White handled the situation so maturely. She had the mind set to actually speak up and inform the director and other staff about the situation. She is growing up, not being a shy little girl who allows people to just walk all over her. Trying to make a positive impact on things around her.

It is sad this sort of thing happens but then again it is a growing experience which she handled correctly. Tomorrow the staff will again sit down with all the girls. Snow White assured me she will not be afraid to speak up for herself. I hope it is also a well received growing experience for the other two girls. After all, they are all in the same generation and will likely have some effect (large or small) on each other later on in life.

I know Snow White is not the first to go through this. I recently found these blog entries Cheeky Lotus and Silicon Valley Moms