I read Pith in the Wind yesterday and my comments are too lengthy to post over there so I will post them here. If you have comments be polite, no foul language or name calling is necessary.
Have you ever heard of the Child Free Movement? I didn't know it existed until yesterday.
Most of this is in response to "People do hate your kids" which is a person who posted comments over at Pith in the Wind.
When my children were toddlers there were times we started out in a public place and their behavior was wonderful. If their behavior became inappropriate we left and I explained how their behavior was rude. I only had to do this once. They are well behaved and people compliment them frequently in stores, restaurants and other public places. I never thought of the other people in the restaurant as CF people, just people. Some may be single, young, elderly or a married etc, the thought of whether any of them had children or not never crossed my mind. I didn’t know there were people out there like “People do hate your kids.” I never thought of them having any say in whether or not I should have children nor do I pretend to believe everyone should have children.
I am a parent of three polite, respectful and intelligent children whom I love with all my heart. I do not expect anyone in this world to love them as much as I do. In fact when it came to drawing up my will it was difficult for me to select a guardian. There is no one else in this world who would not hesitate to throw themselves in the line of fatal danger to protect my children. Yes, many people in our lives love my children but not to that extent. Even if they say it I cannot honestly believe anyone loves them as much as I do.
My CF sister had angry words for me when another family member said my children would be better off with them if anything should happen to me. I know she loves my children and has their best interest at heart at all times. She decided long ago not to have children. I was really surprised at her announcement but only due to never hearing anyone ever talk about not wanting children. She explained her reasons and I am happy for her. Telling her to have a child would pretty much be the same as telling me I had to have a pet snake. That just isn’t going to happen!
“People do hate your kids”, I do not know why you believe every parent you meet judges you for not having children. Some people have children, some people don’t. The world has been like this for ages. The thought of judging someone just because they do not have children seems idiotic to me. On the same note, I do not see why you have the need to judge or have hate thrust at a parents because they chose to have children. That is idiotic as well.
If we went by your logic it would mean the extinction of the human race. No more children, no more parents and eventually all the children up for adoption would be adopted or become adults themselves. After all the children of the world became adults then what? Parents are raising the future generation and depending on how they raise their children will be the outcome of the future.
More has been added to the comments since I first wrote this and I have more thoughts about “People do hate your kids”. You are only 32 years old. I have told my children that I would like them to wait until they are at least 30 years old to get married and enjoy a few years of just them and their spouse before having children. The first year of marriage is an adjustment no matter how long you have known your spouse before marriage.
My son has informed me he would like to adopt his children and pointed out he would rather adopt a toddler or older child. He explained it like this… “When people think of having a dog they look for a puppy first. Why let great kids who need a home get over looked because a baby looks so cute? Some think adopting a baby is better so he/she will only have their parents views. If you don’t think you are able to teach an adopted 8 year old values and morals in 10 years maybe you should reconsider being a parent.”
My oldest daughter told me point blank she does not intend to have any children adopted or her own. She has been around babies and toddlers all her life. She decided that she does not want to be in charge of a child 24/7.
My youngest is still a child and she wants to have a 100 children but has no views on adoption or having them herself. She just knows she has maternal instincts and would like to have a family of her own. She is only 7 years old so this is not set in stone.
You asked why no one is defending their choice? Why should we defend our choice to have children? You have said yourself that you do not care for people judging you for not having children. I do not feel you should be on the defensive for your choice. I would hope someone who does not feel he should defend his choice would give the same respect to others.
To the question “Why is it that in every state of this union one needs a license to drive a car, yet in no state is a license necessary to spawn or bear a child?” Wasn’t there a law suit years ago when a facility or family member of a mentally challenged person tried to have them “altered” so they could not have children? Should the government have the power to decide who is “neutered or spayed”? What if you did not meet their qualifications and the Government had the power to say you had to have children…your own children? Allowing the Government to have power over who can and cannot seems a little scary now huh?
A list for CFs to be cognizant? The only requirement I would see is respect for each other. As long as you are respectful of others there should be no issues or list on either side of this debate. The list made by As Seen Elsewhere has more to do with lack of intelligence not disrespect from parents. So my list is just one item…be respectful of others. Also the Family Leave Act is not just for parents to take care of children it is the Family Leave Act which allows anyone Male or Female to take up to 12 weeks off to care for a new born, newly adopted child or other family member. I know people who have taken off for a few weeks up to 12 weeks to take care of their mother, brother, sister and father.