Showing posts with label To be a Parent or Not to be a Parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label To be a Parent or Not to be a Parent. Show all posts

Monday, May 14, 2007

Slumber Party ....3rd part and still goes on




On to the Fashion show! Drama came up to me and asked if it would be ok to put make up on the girls. I said it was ok since they could wash their faces before they go to sleep. To my surprise, out of her over night bag she produced a complete line of cosmetics. I am not talking about clear lip gloss and powder. I mean several shades of eye shadow, blush, lipstick, mascara, the works. I was amazed at how well Drama applied the makeup to each and every girl! (except for Snow White who declined the offer) I tell you no lie I was impressed! She was an expert with a makeup brush. I did not know how to apply make up until I was 16 and believe you me Drama at the tender age of 8 did a far better job than I did at 16.

I brought out the boxes of dance costumes and showed the girls Snow White’s dress up closet. They could pick out whatever outfit they wanted! Snow White is a bit smaller than her friends so an outfit may look alright on Snow White but a bit smaller…uh shorter on them. Then there was a request for shoes so we pulled out all of Snow White’s shoes, even the shoes she had not worn yet. To my surprise many of the shoes no longer fit Snow White but they fit TV Star. I told her she could take home all the shoes that fit her. Unfortunately there were two girls who could not fit into Snow White’s shoes so out came Mommy’s flats which barely fit them (Yes, I have small feet size 5). Sorry, I was not going to risk one of them missing gymnastics due to twisting an ankle in my heels. I was instructed to wait in the sunroom for the show to start. Having forgotten to charge the video camera or check the status of the disk for the digital camera I was left with a disposable camera.

Drama came out wearing a beautiful blue dress with some sparkle to it. She announced the show was about to start and lined up the girls in the kitchen. Drama was the MC saying things like “Here is our fabulous kitty. Watch her do the cat walk in style” Come on girls strut like you mean it!” Each girl was given 1 ½ minutes “on stage” to model and strike their poses. They were dressed up as ballerinas, gymnasts, cheerleaders, Disney characters, Tea Party Ladies, Dorothy, school teacher, and others that I cannot remember off hand. Pup was also in the fashion show wearing one of his shirts and often uses as an accessory by several of the girls. One of the girls struck several poses of fierce kitty, nose crinkled up, lips pursed and an “I’m going to get you” look on her face, hands clawing at the air and I was a bit scared. I so did not see that coming from this sweet shy little girl. Did I mention I was scared?

About half way through the “Fashion Show” some of the girls gleefully shouted out which outfit they wanted to wear next. Um Next? I thought this was something we would only run through once. Apparently we were not all on the same page. The rest of the girls heard this and even though standing in line for their first turn some started yelling “I calling _____ outfit!” You know sort of “calling it” like we use to when we were kids “I call shot gun”. or “I call the window seat!”

Halfway through the second stage walk I ran out of film but that did not stop them, they continued for another hour changing and striking poses. Oh well that kept them entertained while I readied the next craft. To my surprise they were not ready for another craft nor did they want to help put the outfits back. The outfits were left out “In case we want to do it again in a few minutes.” That was fine with me.

Since they were not ready to do another craft we decided it was movie time! Snow White wanted to watch TV Star on TV. I spoke with TV Star’s mother earlier in the day. She saw the clips of her daughter when it was on but TV Star had not yet seen herself on the TV show. This was exciting! Everyone rushed to the family room screaming with excitement! It took us awhile to get to the part with TV Star but it was so worth the look on all their faces! All the girls jumped up and down yelling “There she is!! There she is!! That’s you! It’s really you!”

What was the TV Show? It was VH-1’s Little Beauties. Yes, a pageant documentary. Drama and Gymnast made several comments such as “Pageant girls are so fake! How can anyone be real when they have to be so fake with all that make up and stuff. It’s a real shame they make those girls do pageants.” Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I am not about to sway them in to thinking otherwise. TV Star, Cheer Girl and Snow White all heard the comments but it didn’t bother them in the least. If that is what their parents are teaching them then so be it. Never mess with the values and opinions children have learned from their parents, so long as it is not harmful to others.

Drama mentioned the girls teeth looked a bit “different, sort of too perfect.” Snow White ran upstairs and came back smiling to show off her “fake teeth.” Snow White and her friends giggled themselves silly and ended up in giggling pile on the floor. I love that she has such a good sense of humor. While watching the documentary Drama and Gymnast both mentioned a few more times their disdain for pageants.



The girls looked over Snow White’s collection of crowns and asked her questions about what she does at a pageant. With all the questions and such I thought maybe they would like to watch a pageant DVD with Snow White as one of the contestants. She picked out the Glamour Girls DVD which with all the girls lining up across the stage for “Beauty Line up.” Immediately the girls start asking which one is Snow White. I tell them “You point her out when you see her come on to the stage.” I had to laugh as they pointed out just about every blonde that walked on to the stage. Their thinking was pageants are so fake that Snow White’s hair would have been changed from ebony black to sunny blonde! Most of the girls in the group wore glitz dresses and were indeed blonde. Snow White wore a flower girl dress as did just a few others and there were one or two other brunettes in her group. The girls finally picked out Snow White when the camera did a close up of the girls faces. As we watched Snow White do her beauty walk, the girls were glued to the TV and chattered with excitement. I really did not wish to watch the whole DVD so after the beauty walk we went on to the next activity.

Although Drama and Gymnast had a few negative things to say about pageants they were excited to see the documentary and the pageant DVD. They also said they watch Top Model religiously with their Moms and have “definite plans” to try out for Top Model next year. I said nothing but I am sure their parents will let them know Top Model is for adults not 8 year olds. I did watch an episode of Austraila’s Top Model and I was shocked that this is what the girls wanted. Grown women crying, dressing up in skimpy, sexy underwear and bearing most of their body in the rest of the outfits. Again, I do not think it is right for me to interject my opinion when they are following their mothers. After all, it is only a TV show right?

Make-your-own-sundae was a big hit with most of the girls but one. Sweetie would much rather have apples and peanut butter. Remember, I said before her parents have taught her well. She did not request the different desert out of robotic regard to her parents. You could tell she genuinely wanted the apples and peanut butter. I immediately went on to cutting up one of the apples while the rest of the girls attempted to top each other by seeing who could manage the most toppings on their ice cream cups without too much spill over. Sweetie stood right next to me monitoring every move of the knife against the apple. She thanked me profusely for taking the time to make her special snack. She really appreciated this simple task. I assured her it was no trouble at all.

After the girls finished their sundaes we started on the bird houses. The girls painted their bird houses and decorated them with flowers, fake birds and other craft what-nots. The bird houses turned out beautiful! I told the girls they could either keep the bird houses for themselves or give them to their mothers on Mother’s Day. I had many different tubes of paint but only one tube of each color. The girls were showing evidence that they were indeed getting sleepy. There were a few mean comments which I quickly put an end to. One girl actually said to Snow White “Just because it is your birthday does not mean you get to be treated more special than me. I am your guest so you just sit there and wait.” This was in response to Snow White asking to put a dollop of paint on her paper plate. The girl was not using the paint at the time but planned to use it next. All the girls are very sweet, it was the late hour that brought out the few grouchy comments.

When they finished their bird houses a few said they were ready to sleep. I thought that would be a GREAT idea! It was midnight and they had accomplished their goal to stay up all night. I was surprised we did not have enough time to do all of the activities and games. Oh well, we all had a great time and no one was standing around bored. Did I mention it was only a FEW girls who said they were tired? Sweetie was getting a little upset saying over and over again that her parents would be upset if they knew she staid up late. I assured her they know she is at a slumber party and most girls stay up until midnight at slumber parties. Now about half of the girls were making their way to their sleeping bags. The other half wanted to do more crafts so I put out the Barbie sunglass kits and they started on them. What could go wrong ? Half wanted to sleep and the other half were quietly doing another activity in another room. It turns out each and every girl has a different “thing” they do that helps them fall asleep. A few need the light on to sleep and the rest cannot sleep with the light on. Others need a TV, radio or fan on. I was not about to lug a TV into the room so the girls settled for a radio and small isolating fan. I turned off the lights in the room but left the light in the bathroom on and the door cracked enough to spread a little light at one end of the room. The girls who did not want the light on moved their sleeping bags to the other end of the room. Snow White finished her Barbie sunglasses and headed for her sleeping bag. She sleeps with the lights off, a sleep mask on, needs no noise or other special things to fall asleep. At this point she was so tired she would have slept through glairing stadium lights and a big brass band playing right next to her sleeping bag. She and three other girls were out in a matter of minutes.

There were four girls who got their second wind. They were awake and ready to move on to the next activity…making sleep masks and crowns for their dolls and then decorating them. Around 2:30 AM they finished this activity and wanted to play dress up again. I noticed I was getting a bit grouchy so before I said anything, and I mean anything, I said it to myself about 5 or 6 times first. When they ran to Snow White’s room to dress up I told them I would be down stairs watching TV and that is what I did. I watched TV until 4:30 AM. Since I no longer her the pitter patter of their feet running across the hardwood floors I went to check on them, they were fast asleep in Snow White’s room. Finally, relief had come and I could sleep.

I want you to know it is not my intention to make you read so much. I just want to remember all of this some day. Also this was written 5/10/07 and regular unleaded gas was $2.89 that morning and by lunch time it was $2.95 and premium was $3.25.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Have you ever heard of the Child Free Movement?

I read Pith in the Wind yesterday and my comments are too lengthy to post over there so I will post them here. If you have comments be polite, no foul language or name calling is necessary.

Have you ever heard of the Child Free Movement? I didn't know it existed until yesterday.

Most of this is in response to "People do hate your kids" which is a person who posted comments over at Pith in the Wind.

When my children were toddlers there were times we started out in a public place and their behavior was wonderful. If their behavior became inappropriate we left and I explained how their behavior was rude. I only had to do this once. They are well behaved and people compliment them frequently in stores, restaurants and other public places. I never thought of the other people in the restaurant as CF people, just people. Some may be single, young, elderly or a married etc, the thought of whether any of them had children or not never crossed my mind. I didn’t know there were people out there like “People do hate your kids.” I never thought of them having any say in whether or not I should have children nor do I pretend to believe everyone should have children.

I am a parent of three polite, respectful and intelligent children whom I love with all my heart. I do not expect anyone in this world to love them as much as I do. In fact when it came to drawing up my will it was difficult for me to select a guardian. There is no one else in this world who would not hesitate to throw themselves in the line of fatal danger to protect my children. Yes, many people in our lives love my children but not to that extent. Even if they say it I cannot honestly believe anyone loves them as much as I do.

My CF sister had angry words for me when another family member said my children would be better off with them if anything should happen to me. I know she loves my children and has their best interest at heart at all times. She decided long ago not to have children. I was really surprised at her announcement but only due to never hearing anyone ever talk about not wanting children. She explained her reasons and I am happy for her. Telling her to have a child would pretty much be the same as telling me I had to have a pet snake. That just isn’t going to happen!

“People do hate your kids”, I do not know why you believe every parent you meet judges you for not having children. Some people have children, some people don’t. The world has been like this for ages. The thought of judging someone just because they do not have children seems idiotic to me. On the same note, I do not see why you have the need to judge or have hate thrust at a parents because they chose to have children. That is idiotic as well.

If we went by your logic it would mean the extinction of the human race. No more children, no more parents and eventually all the children up for adoption would be adopted or become adults themselves. After all the children of the world became adults then what? Parents are raising the future generation and depending on how they raise their children will be the outcome of the future.

More has been added to the comments since I first wrote this and I have more thoughts about “People do hate your kids”. You are only 32 years old. I have told my children that I would like them to wait until they are at least 30 years old to get married and enjoy a few years of just them and their spouse before having children. The first year of marriage is an adjustment no matter how long you have known your spouse before marriage.

My son has informed me he would like to adopt his children and pointed out he would rather adopt a toddler or older child. He explained it like this… “When people think of having a dog they look for a puppy first. Why let great kids who need a home get over looked because a baby looks so cute? Some think adopting a baby is better so he/she will only have their parents views. If you don’t think you are able to teach an adopted 8 year old values and morals in 10 years maybe you should reconsider being a parent.”

My oldest daughter told me point blank she does not intend to have any children adopted or her own. She has been around babies and toddlers all her life. She decided that she does not want to be in charge of a child 24/7.

My youngest is still a child and she wants to have a 100 children but has no views on adoption or having them herself. She just knows she has maternal instincts and would like to have a family of her own. She is only 7 years old so this is not set in stone.

You asked why no one is defending their choice? Why should we defend our choice to have children? You have said yourself that you do not care for people judging you for not having children. I do not feel you should be on the defensive for your choice. I would hope someone who does not feel he should defend his choice would give the same respect to others.

To the question “Why is it that in every state of this union one needs a license to drive a car, yet in no state is a license necessary to spawn or bear a child?” Wasn’t there a law suit years ago when a facility or family member of a mentally challenged person tried to have them “altered” so they could not have children? Should the government have the power to decide who is “neutered or spayed”? What if you did not meet their qualifications and the Government had the power to say you had to have children…your own children? Allowing the Government to have power over who can and cannot seems a little scary now huh?

A list for CFs to be cognizant? The only requirement I would see is respect for each other. As long as you are respectful of others there should be no issues or list on either side of this debate. The list made by As Seen Elsewhere has more to do with lack of intelligence not disrespect from parents. So my list is just one item…be respectful of others. Also the Family Leave Act is not just for parents to take care of children it is the Family Leave Act which allows anyone Male or Female to take up to 12 weeks off to care for a new born, newly adopted child or other family member. I know people who have taken off for a few weeks up to 12 weeks to take care of their mother, brother, sister and father.