How Was Your First Kiss?

Hey everyone! There is a kissing contest going on!

To see the rules and such see Scribbit.

My post for First Kiss is from…you guessed it the “Crazy For You Post Transitions.”

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After that night at Players Ronnie deiced to ask me out on a date. Not meeting up somewhere, or running into each other. An actual date where he would pick me up, take me out and then bring me home. I was excited and a little nervous. I didn’t really know this guy and he was going to take me “somewhere?”

During our first few dates, well several of our first dates I was a little unsure about going out with someone I barely knew but I really liked him. To make myself feel more at ease I recruited a chaperone, Giggles. She was more than happy to come along. She loved being included. She let us hold hands and such but kept Ronnie in check. Ok, she kept us both in check and made sure everything was PG rated. She even sat between us in the car. As she said later “You would have so freaked out if it wasn’t.” She was right.

That first night when Ronnie came to pick me up I don’t think he realized that he had to meet my parents before they would allow me to leave with him. My Mom laughed but there was real meaning in her words “Do you think we could let a stranger drive off with our little girl?” He survived. It wasn’t really all that bad considering what other guys had sat through before. My parents liked him right away but they wanted to put a little bit of fear in him.

As I walked up to the passenger side of Ronnie’s car quickly steered me to the Driver’s side. As he opened the door he explaining that his passenger door doesn’t shut right so he doesn’t open it. His car had a front bench seat so it was manageable for me to just slide over. Ronnie quickly got in the car and apologized over and over about the passenger door. He slid in so fast I thought he did this on purpose since I had not reached the other side of the seat yet. Maybe he did it so I would be sitting closer to him. Later on I found out he was telling the truth about the passenger door and admitted that he slid in before I could go any further so I would be closer to him. The engine had real power to it which meant I had to hold on to his arm so I wouldn’t slid around on the seat! We were off to pick up Giggles’ at her house.

At the end of each night, Ronnie always dropped Giggles off first then took me straight home. I don’t know if it was Giggles’ influence and constant warning of “If you hurt her we will hunt you down” or he just had some gentlemanly inclinations but after nearly two weeks of dating every night he still hadn’t kiss me. I was starting to get a complex. Ok, I have told guys before they were not going to kiss me on the first few dates but this was more than two weeks of seeing him every night. Maybe he didn’t want to kiss me?! I confided in my girl friends. “What? He hasn’t even kissed you yet? Like ever? What’s up with that?” or “Oh honey, maybe there is something wrong with him. He seems really nice though.” “Maybe he’s just shy.” What ever the reason was I still wanted to go out with him. We always had a great time and he made me feel wonderful and special even without kissing me. He made my heart pitter patter. All he had to do was look at me and I would smile, giggle a little then feel my cheeks growing pink. I was definitely smitten.

One night while standing at my front door I was expecting a hug but he placed his left hand on the side of my face, I smiled up at him knowing I had a wonderful time just being with him. He, ever so slowly ran his fingers down my neck. My head tilted up unconsciously and just as I was about to giggle from the tickling effect of his gentle fingers, he kissed me. He said something in a sort of whisper but I couldn’t make out what it was. My knees went completely weak and I slunk into his arms. I think I whispered “Oh my” and “W-o-w” It was all I could manage to say. I couldn’t even stand up on my own two feet. I looked up dreamily into his eyes and saw he was completely at ease. He finally propped me up on my own legs and I sort of swayed to and fro for a minute before I some what regained my composure. I remember running my fingers through my hair and saying something like “Um, uh, yeah, I think I should be going now.” I almost walked right in to my Mother’s flower bed instead of the door. He quickly redirected me to the doorway and I said “Um, ok. Well, then. I will see you later.” or something like that. I closed the front door behind me and leaned against it while smiling and taking deep breaths. “Wow.”

One month passed by, Ronnie and I saw each other as much as was humanly possible. If we weren’t together we were at school, work or sleeping. We called each other every single day. We talked so long that my mother started placing a kitchen timer by the phone “Fifteen minutes young lady.” It didn’t take her long to realize I was pushing the timer back a few times. My siblings and even my Dad were trying to talk Mom into getting me my own “Ronnie line” (aka my own phone line).

After many dates with our chaperone Ronnie said “I like Giggles and all but don’t you think we have reached a point where her duties might not be so necessary? Come on, don’t you trust me?” Giggles later asked me where we three were heading that night? I had to break the news to her. Ronnie and I were going to start going out on dates …alone. She was bummed but understood.

Ronnie's Car was a Plymouth Duster.

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Update outside of the Crazy For You fest…guess what? I was so nostalgic I decided I had to see the Angles again. What started out as a small get together…well, lets just say one friend told two friends and they told two friends….

It has only been two weeks and the list went from 5 people to 30! I even had a few phone calls! It has turned into more of a high school reunion than a small get together. The party is in a few months so who knows how many people will be coming. The more the merrier right?

There was one email I thought odd. There was this guy in high school who always scared me. He growled at me in the hallways and always made me jump. Turns out he is a pretty sweet guy. Apparently after high school he was good friends with all the other Angels and I had NO idea!

I am really happy with the list of people coming. If more show up that is great too. We are going to have such a blast!

Prom ...Stag or Date?

When Ronnie called to say he declined his leave…Deep breaths! Deep, Deep Breaths! I wasn’t suppose to upset him in anyway because he was so far away. I had to keep my chin up and suck up what I was feeling. I am sure he felt enough from the periods of silence to know I was not happy about it. Ronnie knew when it came down to it I would always follow his lead. What he says goes. He was the boss and it always made sense latter but boy did I want my way.

“Heather, I know Prom is coming up. Call Jim, I am sure he will take you.” I know he wanted me to think of something in the near future to look forward to but that was so not what I wanted to hear. I wanted Ronnie to take me to Prom! In my mind I was thinking - sure, my fiancé who said he was going to take me decided it wasn’t worth coming home for. No guy in my high school would ask me to Prom since I have been telling everyone for a whole year that I have a fiancé and how much we love each other. Thank goodness we have Jim on call for any dating situation that would require my fiancé!

Oh well, at least Ronnie wasn’t depressed any more and once again he was right. If he came home in April for one week I would be so close to graduating that it would be insane to leave school now. We couldn’t get married in one week. It would take more than a week to talk our parents into it. If he came home and we didn’t get married there was the issue of having to say goodbye, again. I didn’t know if I could go through it again. If he came home I would want to leave with him no matter what. So I sucked it up and dealt with the great disappointment.

With that settled I eventually call Jim but guess what? “Heather, I would love to take you but I have already agreed to go to four other proms and I’m not even in high school any more.” I could have begged him or Ronnie could have called him but that was degrading. I could have told the high school Gossip that I didn’t have a date for the prom and I was mad at my fiancé. Had I gone that route I would have had a date from my high school that very same day. No, not sounding conceded. Just a fact that one of my rules was about to be broken would set off the hope of all my rules being broken. All through high school, rules or no rules, there were guys who never gave up asking. Still, I couldn’t go to prom with someone from my school. I was upset with Ronnie but I felt the need to keep my rules for my own reasons. The rules were in place before I met Ronnie and they were there for good reason.

The next Sunday Ronnie called and I explained that Jim was busy that night and every night that month doing prom duty. “We thought you would be here so he didn’t keep the date open. We didn’t think he had to.” Ok I was getting a pissy but I toned it down after he apologized a few times. I figured he knew best and I would have to figure this out. Yes, it was my Senior Prom and I might have to go stag. I wasn’t worried about showing up and people thinking I couldn’t get a date. I was worried about going with my friends and being the odd one out. When slow songs came on I would be standing by the punch bowl or worse hiding out in the bathroom away from guys who came with dates. Again, not being conceded, my guy pals would have been there with dates and no one at the table when I knew there were guys from our school who wanted to go out with me…seeing me alone at my own prom. I would have looked like a sitting duck. That was a bit much for me to think of. Ok, maybe I was being conceded. Surely none of my guy pals would have been the type to leave their dates to dance with me. That would have been a huge dent in their shinny armor in my eyes.

That night at Players everyone was talking about the up coming Prom. The Angels were all chattering about their dresses, dates and possible dates for those who had not made definite plans yet. I already purchased the perfect dress at Lerner a few months ago and it was absolutely perfect for the theme - Night In The Old South. My mother had altered it to fit me already. The only thing I needed was a hoop skirt to go underneath it. Giggles was working at a store at the FSK mall where they still had a few small enough for me.

I mentioned that I might not go since Ronnie wasn’t coming home. Now all my Guy Pals knew I needed a date for Prom or I would have to go stag. Again, going stage was not a real problem but I didn’t want to feel like a burden to anyone. It was my Senior Prom and I should feel like a princess. So there I was at Players with Guy Pals who were not from my school and not friends with my brothers. Even Todd was somewhat considered a Guy Pal but not fully. There was something about Todd that wasn’t exactly genuine when he promised to be good. He did behave himself and it was sort of nice to have a completion weight lifter and body builder on my side when guys got out of hand at Players. After Ronnie left for Germany Todd started to come to Players on a regular basis. I wouldn’t dance with him. I still didn’t trust him that much. He offered to take me to Prom and even the Angels said I should consider it but still, I didn’t trust him enough. If I went to Prom with Todd, Ronnie would have gone into a rage.

Ray-Ray offered to take me but his armor was starting to slip. Yes, I cried a lot and complained a lot about Ronnie being away in Germany but I wasn’t about to go there. Ray-Ray seemed to be waiting for the other shoe to drop and maybe I would break off our engagement. I didn’t need that in a Prom date.

Patrick even jokingly said “I would take you to Prom but it is beneath me to take an upper classman to Prom.” Back in 10th grade when I first met Patrick he asked me, in a back door fashion, if I would ever consider dating an underclassman. I laughed loudly and said I couldn’t because I was near the bottom of the high school food chain as it was. I didn’t realize he was actually asking if I would ever consider going out with him until he was walking away. Nicky came up to me and explained that Patrick had been working up the courage to ask me out. I felt so bad. A few weeks later he was happy with us just being friends. He had a date with a really cute girl. I loved it when Patrick talked to me about his dates and who he liked in between girlfriends.

Back to My Senior Prom. I finally came to the conclusion that Chris would be the best choice. Ronnie and I both trusted Chris. He was so nice and in control of himself. Any time Chris danced with me at Players I never had to worry about him behaving badly. He always kept his hands and eyes where even a Priest would approve. There was one draw back with Chris. He had this way of coming up with the most profound thoughts. You never saw it coming, he would just say what he thought and exactly what his thoughts were. He was open honesty on steroids. He and Giggles had one thing in common, they were both quick to bring in reality when you were hoping for the best. Giggles and Chris were too much alike so they crashed like huge marching band cymbals! Oh how I wish I had a tape recorder when the two of them had enough of each other and went on for 15 minutes or so. No political debate to date could top their exchange of words once they got in to it. To listen to them argue the point of what q-tips were actually made of was completely hysterical!

Next step was to ask Ronnie if it was ok for Chris to take me to Prom. I dreaded it but at the same time I felt Ronnie owed me a date for Prom since he was passing on my Prom. Still, I didn’t want to ask him. I didn’t want to even mention it when we were on the phone. He asked me about Prom… “Who all is going to Prom?” “All the Angels are going. Oh, my dress is finished. Mom fixed it up perfect. I need to get a hoop and find gloves small enough for my arms.” “What? Small enough for your arms?” I was a bit embarrassed but I replied “My dress has 1 inch straps. It even has a cute ruffle across the front but nothing on my arms. You know how I feel about my arms. I need long gloves that fit and go past my elbow.” Ronnie laughed and said “Your arms are perfect. I wish I could have them around me.” That made me feel warm all over. I was thinking of my arms around him and him holding me. Then he burst my warm fuzzy feeling with “Who are you going to Prom with?” Huh? Did he know about the discussions at Players? Oh how I hoped he didn’t! I didn’t want him to worry. Then I started to think Giggles must have told him. Before I could muster up how upset I was with Giggles, Ronnie said “Someone has to take you. You... you cannot go stag to your Senior Prom.” Wow, he actually understood. Apparently, he had a little chat with his Mom and she said how unfair it was to ask me to go stag or even skip my prom. He was so relieved that Chris was my choice and readily agreed.

This hurdle was cleared. There was another one but I chickened out of telling him. It would have to wait until the next phone call. Maybe right before Prom. First, I had to come up with a way to tell him gently so he wouldn’t blow a fuse.

My Soldier's Spirits Lifted

Phone calls from Ronnie remained the same until he started to receive packages of home items and actual letters from us. He started to cheer up a bit but was doubtful about coming home any time soon. When he arrived in Germany he did talk to someone in command who was worried about his performance or lack of enthusiasm. Ronnie wasn’t slacking off or anything but he was not giving it his all and it was noticed. After their little chat he advised Ronnie to put in for leave. It was explained that it was a first come first serve basis and those who had served more time in Germany were given preference. Ronnie seemed really happy about filling out his paperwork for leave. Finally! He had something to look forward to!

Back here in the states I was still going to school and Players, when I felt up to it. I tried to go to Players as much as I could. There was something about being there, where I met Ronnie and hearing the songs we danced to. I had my friends with me to keep my spirits up. Some nights I just didn’t want to go. I wanted to go to bed as soon as possible. The more I slept the less I was awake which to me meant less time awake thinking about Ronnie. If I dreamed too much about Ronnie then I knew I had to get out and about.

As the weather warmed up more parties were happening. I wanted to go to the parties since there was alcohol. If I drank an hour or so before going to bed I slept better. No dreaming. Of course I was young and didn’t know when to say when so I tested my limits and eventually I was worrying about both Ronnie and had to deal with hangovers.

I was grouchy all the time. My work was sloppier than it had ever been and I cared very little about anything. There was one party were I was pretty smashed. I remember Rick (aka Alter boy) was trying to kiss me and actually chased me all around the house and outside. I fell, he picked me up then tried one more time to kiss me. I had had it with him so I punched him! Right on the jaw! I had never punched anyone before in my life. He hit the outside wall of the house and slid down to the ground. “What did you do THAT for?” Staring down at him I said “I don’t want to be kissed by anyone! GOT IT?!” Then I went back inside and to tell my ride it was time to go home.

The Angels decided something had to be done about my partying. Sure they were at the same parties I was, they usually drove me but sometimes I would stay longer…and longer and catch a ride with one of the older girls. The one thing they said that snapped me out of it “If you don’t get your act together now you wont graduate this year.” At first I thought, who cares? Ronnie is in Germany. Then they said “The sooner you graduate the sooner you two can get married and actually be together.” That did it. Now my concentration was on graduating and getting to Ronnie ASAP! Sure, I went to parties but I didn’t say without the Angels. We went, mingled a little, had a few drinks then went home.

Prom was coming and Ronnie’s phone calls were so much more chipper. Then he dropped a bit of bomb on me. His leave was approved but it was only for one week not two. He declined the leave and asked to wait until he had a few more weeks. WHAT?! A week at home and he said No?! He was now calling overseas, not just long distance so I couldn’t just hang up on him but I wanted to! Three months of depression for the both of us and five months since we had seen each other and he says No?!

Loosing Touch and Loosing It

Since I did not hear from Ronnie for a week after the phone call about his orders I called his recruiter, Sergeant Powell. Before his orders for Germany came in he was expecting to come home for Recruiter Aide duty. He knew where he wanted to buy a townhouse and had so many things planned out. He really didn’t think he would go to Germany. After all he didn’t receive orders for Germany when his roommates did.

Apparently, Ronnie’s orders were delayed while the recruiter and commander fought over where Ronnie would best serve. It was finally decided that the need in Germany was greater than the need for recruiters in our area. Shortly after Ronnie was deployed to Germany Sergeant Powell left the recruiters office. Not only did I loose Ronnie but the only local military personnel with some sort of link between us.

There was a replacement for Sergeant Powell and he didn’t like me coming into the office at all. This particular recruiter’s office was not just for the Army but all branches of the service. Some of the other military recruiters in the office told the “new guy” that I was a regular visitor and a civilian which meant I should be shown some respect. To the “new guy” I was just wasting their time. Needless to say I stopped going into their office. Once in a while I would see the Marine recruiter outside the mall on my way in or out of work. He always asked about Ronnie and how we were handling things. He told me to keep my chin up, gave advise and always a smile. Even that little bit of support went a long way in my book. Eventually he too was transferred somewhere else.

After Sergeant Powell and the Marine were transferred and I hadn’t heard from Ronnie, I lost it. One night I called the number we had for the A School and asked for the number for the commander. I actually called and left the commander a very angry, crying, screaming and somewhat threatening message. The threatening part was to call his superiors all the way up to the President and tell them to fire him or at least bust him down to private. This falls under the definition of fully distraught and delusional. At the time you could actually call the operator (by dialing "0" not 411) and get a number to the White House (if you knew which department to ask for). Of course it wasn't the President but they sounded very official when they answered the phone (no voice mail) during my late night phone call. The commander did not just laugh this off. He called me back the next day and in full drill sergeant manner told me off.

I did finally hear from Ronnie. There are many rules in the military. One is that if you do not hear from your soldier someone will make sure they contact the family or the base will do it for them while they are facing some sort of punishment. After feeling like a complete fool for calling his previous commander and the White House I found out it did some good. Ronnie was willing to forgo the punishment but he wanted to call me instead of his parents. His new commander agreed after Ronnie assured him that his Mom and I always talked after he called. (I would never recommend doing what I did. I wish someone would have been willing to tell me what the rules were and how to contact the right people. I would have let Ronnie's parents make the right calls to the right people but after Sgt. Powell was gone we lost any links as to what to do.)

He was physically ok but he was a bit depressed. We had everything figured out and then the rug was pulled out from under us. I was raised as a military brat and I sort of expected some things to not go as planned but I was still taken aback by it all. I was all sunshine and happiness on the phone but nothing seemed to be getting through to lift his spirits. I remember he told me about the protestors “They come out by the fences dressed in black hooded cloaks with their faces painted like skulls. Someone yells bomb then they all fall down. It makes you feel sorry for them the first few times you see it. We have to take classes to deal with this too. The times there are no protestors it’s hours of marching around watching worms crawl out of the ground. Heather, that’s all I do now.”

I told him over and over again how much I loved him and even asked if he still had the photo from the Cozy. Now, I was very hesitant to send that photo out through the mail when he was in A School. I wrapped it up in paper and in a separate envelope. I even made him promise never to show it to another living soul. For me to mention that photo was a huge deal. Ronnie only said “Yeah, I brought it with me.” He was so down and there was nothing I could do to help him. I was completely helpless! I hated that feeling! I asked him if there was anything he needed and he sadly muttered “just you.” I blushed a bit and said “Well, you already have me. Forever even. Remember Germany isn’t forever.” Solemnly, He gave me the APO address to send mail and a list of things to tell his Mom not to send since they were not allowed. When we got off the phone I felt like someone had just given me a sedative. Like the phone call didn’t really happen. It was just a dull dream and soon Ronnie would really call.

I called Ronnie’s Mom and told her about the phone call. We were both worried about him. His Dad said not to worry. Ronnie would be fine. He needed time to adjust. His Mom and I both cried. Why was the Army making him like this. This wasn’t how he was.

I Remember the Anthrax Investigation

Most of the US remembers the Anthrax Investigation and the effects it had.

In regards to unconventional punctuation please see Whiskey Marie

With all the new news on the Anthrax Investigation I have to say I remember it. At first I was trying to think of the lighter side like (**) I wonder if they found Ronnie's ring up near that pond where they found the 'containment box'. Then I started to wonder if that guy was up there testing and performing his experiments while all of us were up there. (**) I mean, it wasn't just kids from my high school who went up there but all the local high schools hung out on that mountain. That freaked me out>! I am sure it also upset more than just me(>)! How long did this go on? When did it start and when exactly did it end? That information was not available.

I was in Frederick at the time of the onset of the investigation. I had worked for a few government employers previously and still kept in touch with past co-workers. It was always (**) what's the word I am looking for? Not fear but concern. No one thought they would be a target but you wondered if you would accidentally be infected. My goodness, you couldn't even bring in powdered donuts to ANY office without someone wondering what that white powder was on someone's desk or anywhere in the office(<)! Come to think of it I haven't even seen a white powdered donut since then (<)! Even my own children (eldest two) who were in Elementary school at the time don't eat powdered donuts. Most likely that has nothing to do with the anthrax investigation. The fact is my children love chocolate(>)!

What do I remember about the investigation? I remember going into Ft. Detrick was more difficult. Even though I had military stickers on my car, I had to stop at the gate, fill out a form and let them see my driver's license & registration. I really missed the days that the guards would see my car, salute at me then I went on my merry way to the PX, Commissary, pool, ball field or where ever. (<<<)

I also remember seeing the moving vans & black SUVs parked outside the apartment of on of the scientists as they raided the place. I had no idea he lived just outside of the gates. Talk about minimal commute to work, huh? Literally, it was just outside the gates. Even after they raided & took everything they thought was important out of the apartment the black SUVs staid in that parking lot for weeks. I do not remember which scientist it was but I do remember seeing him on TV and a few times outside of his apartment (from my car on the road waiting in line to get on the base). He seemed genuinely upset about the intrusion. On TV he was upset but when I saw him in front of his apartment while they carried various items out of his house he seemed (**) his body language and his voice made it seem like he was standing & holding his tounge as if to say (**) I know you have to do this but it is a mistake(**). You will eventually know this.(**)

His neighbors were camped out on lawn chairs watching the whole thing. Of course there were news teams there but not as many as you would have expected. Maybe two or three vans. I didn't know wether to feel sorry for him or upset with him. From what I remembered what we heard on the TV there was a scientist who was responsible for sending out samples of anthrax to any college or student that asked for it. Maybe it was him, maybe it was one of the other scientists. Seeing those black SUVs parked there for so long did give me chills each time I passed by & saw them.

Well, I would like to say this. If you found Ronnie's class ring let me know! I promise I had nothing to do with the anthrax thing (**) It was a high school girls letting off steam & vomit kind of thing. If you found it, I would really like to have that class ring back(>)!

P.S. I am not trying to make light of the what happened to all those affected by the Anthrax scare. I was affected but I choose to not look at the (I have no words for that) part of it. It was difficult enough for all of us here in the US (**) Americans and others(**) and overseas when 911 happened, the Anthrax and the after effects. I also remember how everyone in the US and several other countries did rally afterwards.

Ask Me Anything

Ok, judging from the activity in my blog over the past couple of days a few of you are searching for something. I sincerely appreciate the activity and that you find my blog interesting. Here is my email address (TreesNSnow@yahoo.com)…go ahead. Ask me anything. Well, just don’t ask me the diameter of the sun. I use to know it but that little tidbit of information has slipped away from me. You can Google to get that answer.

If you don't want to email you can always post your questions in the comments area.

Hope your day is going well. I look forward to hearing from all of you.

When Millitary Orders Come...

My parents and I went back and forth on my trip to visit Ronnie for his graduation from A School. Why couldn’t they understand how important it was for me to be there for Ronnie? How much I wanted to see his graduation and be there for him? “We are not letting you drive half way across the country. You are too young. There are too many things that could go wrong and Murphy’s Law seems to follow you around lately.” I ran out of gas on my way to work. An older girl, for some reason, was super jealous of me so she let the air out of two of my tires, threw ice on my windshield, took my wiper blades and I cannot remember what else. When I had my tires rotated they forgot to reconnect something with the breaks…I drove to work with NO breaks! Some how I managed to break a piston too. They also reminded me that the last time Ronnie came back the Army flew him home so I would likely beat me home. Add to that the time it takes to drive to Oklahoma and the fact they wouldn’t let me take off school that Friday and following Monday. So, I couldn’t go to his graduation. I was back to being in a bad funk. Ronnie was disappointed but he backed up my parents. Although he really wanted to see me he didn’t want to worry about me driving so far and missing school.

After Ronnie’s graduation I received a phone call from the base brought me to my knees.

I came home from work that night and my Mom said Mrs. Leadore wanted me to call her as soon as I came home. Oh how I hated missing phone calls from Ronnie. I guess he called her and she has heard some news from him. I called her back and she seemed a little weepy but that was sort of usual for both of us after we heard from Ronnie. We missed him so much. Right away she asked “Did Ronnie call you today?” “I just came home from work. I don’t know if he called. Mom only said that you called.” She asked me “Do you have the phone number for the base?” “I can find it if you need it. Is he ok?” “No, no I don’t need the number. You need to call him.” She wasn’t telling me much and the more she talked the closer she was to sobbing. I was getting worried “Is he ok? Is something wrong?” She couldn’t help herself. She started sobbing “I …I …can’t tell you. I …promised. He’s…he wants… You need to call him.” Now I was really worried. “I can’t call him long distance. My parents wont let me. “What happened?! Is he Ok?” She blew her nose and said through her sobs that she would call him and tell him I was home. Then he could call me. I pleaded with her “Just tell me is he Ok?” “Heather, I don’t know. I cannot tell you. I promised.”

I didn’t know what to do. My Mom heard me on the phone and she asked if Ronnie was ok. I told her I didn’t know. All I knew was something happened and his Mom didn’t know if he was ok. I was waiting for him to call. I usually took his phone calls upstairs in my room but I couldn’t move away from the kitchen phone I just used. I was worried. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t let go of the phone. My Mom sat at the kitchen table while I paced back and forth within the distance that the phone cord would allow.

The phone rang and I picked it up immediately “Ronnie! Are you OK?!” It wasn’t Ronnie. “Hey Heather nice to talk to you too. It’s Clint. Can I talk to your brother.” “NO! Call back tomorrow!” and I hung up the phone. My Mom looked at me “Clint called.”

The next time the phone rang I picked it up just as quickly but before I could say anything I heard his voice “Is Heather there?” He sounded so calm I stopped pacing. “Ronnie! Are you Ok? Are you hurt? What happened? Your Mom was crying but she wouldn’t tell me anything.” I started crying. “Heather, I need to you to calm down. No I didn’t get hurt. Something happened today. I need to …” Then Ronnie started crying. “Hold on Ok?” Ronnie crying was a huge deal. Something is terribly wrong. I wished I could reach out and hold him, kiss him, tell him it was going to be ok. Anything to make him feel better.

In a choked up voice he said “I got my orders today.” {silence} Not knowing what to say I said “Ok.” Maybe he is so happy about coming home for Recruiter duty that he can’t stand it? “Heather, they are sending me to Germany! Did you talk to Sgt. Powell?” “What? Yes, I talked to Powell. He said he called.” “They are sending me to Germany. What did he say to them?” “Ronnie, I don’t know what he said. He wanted you here. Remember, he told us.” This time it was my turn to shhhh him. “Ronnie. Honey? Sweetie?” He gave out a sobbing “Yeah, I’m here.” “We already have a plan right? When you come home we will get married. Then I can go with you.” This made him angry “YOU DON”T UNDERSTAND!” Again I tried to calm him down “Ok, its ok. Tell me.” I could hear him breathing then finally he said “I leave tomorrow.” “Ok, how long will you be home?” Now he was yelling and crying “NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” I stopped talking so I could listen. He took a few deep breaths then said “They cancelled all leave. We can’t even get an off post pass. I leave for Germany tomorrow, tomorrow.” I heard what he said but he must be too upset to think straight “No, you get leave to come home before you go overseas. Remember, Powell told us...” He interrupted me “All I know is that I have to leave for Germany. Germany Heather! Tomorrow. They won’t even give us time to get civies from home.” He pauses again. “Remember when we travel we are suppose to wear our uniforms? On this trip we are ordered to wear civies and hats so we don’t stand out.” I was trying to take in all he was saying but it couldn’t be true.

My mind was racing. There had to be something we could do. Someone we could call to fix this! “Heather? Heather? Are you there?” Weakly I said “I’m here.” “Heather, I wont be able to see you before I go. We can’t get married before I go. It‘s a hardship tour. I have to be there for 2 to 3 years!” He meant it. This was real. I fell to my knees on the kitchen floor and held my hand over my mouth. No, no. That couldn’t be true.

My Mom pushed one of the kitchen chairs over and lifted me up in it while I clenched the phone in my hands. I lost it. I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing loudly. She put her arms around me and tried to rock me back and forth. “They are sending him far AWAY! THREE YEARS AWAY!!” I could hear Ronnie still talking so I pushed Mom away and put the phone back to my ear. “Heather?” I managed a few words “I’m still here.” He said “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry! I don’t know what to do…I don’t know what to do.” That phrase ‘to do’ there had to be something. I took a few deep breaths then said “Ronnie, we will figure out something. What did your Mom and Dad say?” Ronnie said “Dad called a few people but he says I have to go. I signed up for the Army. Mom is worried I wont have warm enough clothes.” He half laughed “She is packing up a box for me now. I don’t even have an address yet and she is packing me a box of winter clothes.”

It suddenly occurred to me that all the international flights I had heard of ,from my relatives visiting us, they went out of New York. That was our fix! I could meet him at the airport and we could get married while they waited for their flight!! I was sure I could convince his Mom to drive me up there. She was just as upset about him leaving as I was. If he was married before he left the Army would have to take that into consideration. You cannot be married and go on a hardship tour. If they didn’t let him stay then we could save up the dependant allowance and fly me over there to be with him when I graduated.

Ronnie was still half crying and talking. Excited that I had figured out a plan I said “Ronnie. Shhh. What are your travel plans?! If they fly you out of New York maybe your Mom and I could meet you up there! We could get married in the airport before you leave!” He stopped for a moment to think then asked me to hold on. “We have a military hop. We wont even be inside the airport.” After a few minutes he said “Heather, its late and other guys need to use the phone so I have to go. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! Wait for me. Please still wait for me!” It was my last few minutes on the phone with him until I didn’t know when… “Ronnie. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! We will figure it out. Don’t worry. We will figure it out.” Before he hung up he said “Heather. I need you. Call my Mom she needs you too. I love you.” Then he hung up.

I was still holding the phone to my ear listening to the dial tone when my Mom took the phone away from me. She held me by the shoulders and asked if I was ok. I told her I wasn’t ok and I needed some air. I went for a drive with the radio blaring. This couldn’t really be happening. I know I should have called Mrs. Leadore right away but I needed to think. We needed to do something! There had to be something we could do! I was driving around aimlessly then I found myself at the mall where the recruiter station was. The mall was closed. Sgt. Powell wasn’t in his office. I parked my car anyway then got out and walked up to the mall doors. I peered in just incase I could see anything inside. Nothing.

I went back to my car and cried and yelled and cried and beat my hands against the steering wheel. My visor flipped down and I could see myself in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. I looked down and my hands were suddenly on my lap twisting together over and over again. There had to be something we could do. Sitting here in my car crying was not accomplishing anything.

On the drive home the tears that were falling down my face stopped. I needed to fix this. I needed help. I needed to talk to someone. My parents were both anxiously waiting my return. “Are you ok? You know he is in the Army. The military can do what they want with him because he belongs to them for the next few years.” I asked if there was anyone we could call to change his orders. I explained about the recruiter and everything. My Dad said “It’s not like they are sending him off to war and he is in the infantry. Be thankful. If you really want a life together you need to get use to this.”

Ronnie said for me to call his Mom so I called her. I figured she was still up too. We talked for an hour or so trying to figure out what to do but came up with nothing that was legal. Sgt. Powell had given me a card with his home number written on the back of it but I couldn’t find it. I spent most of the night looking for it. Somewhere between 2 am and 4 am I fell asleep on top of my covers with my clothes on.

The next day I had to go to school. My Mom was not about to let me stay home from school. My life had just been ripped apart and I still had to go to school?

That song from the Ramones... I Wanna Be Sedated was all I could think of.

Back To Base and More Love Letters from My Soldier

55 Jan 86
Dearest Heather,
How is my sweet, wonderful, and beautiful fiancé. I Love You! I hope you are doing just fine. I miss you so much! I can’t wait to see you again, probably at the end of January. Today was a pretty slow day. All we did was lay around and sleep then about 3 o’clock our drill sergeant came in with a football and asked us if we wanted to play. We had a great time. It was really fun. The drill sergeant even played with us. We start back up to school tomorro. We will go to what they call the cage, that’s where we get told all the top secret information about missile. I got my top secret clearance. All we do now is play my buddies radio really loud and clown around the barracks. I hope you didn’t have too much fun at Players tonight. I remembered you said something about going on the phone today. It feels so good to hear your voice. I wish I could hear it all the time. If you notice I am out of tan envelopes and on my last 4 pieces of tan paper. It’s a good thing Gina got me some more stationary for Christmas. I will sure use it a lot.

You’ll never guess what I heard on the radio tonight…Give up. Well you probably guess it. Your right! I heard ‘Crazy For You’ twice and ‘I Miss You’ once. I had tears in my eyes while listening to these songs. I miss you so much! I’ll Always be Crazily (is that a word) in Love with You!

You are the only one I want and the only one I need. I really glad you told your parents about our future plans. I am also glad that they approve of me. I want you to know that I will always Love You no matter where I am at. Heather You are my Fiancé and someday (April 1, 1989) You will be my wife and I your Husband. Nothing will ever change my mind. I am yours forever. You are mine forever. I LOVE YOU!!

I got one of my friends with an instant camera to take some pictures of me. I have enclosed them with this letter. I want you to have these pictures to see what I do most of the time, write letters to you and lay around and think about us. If you want you can give my Mom one of the group shots of me and my two buddies. I would like you to show her all of the pictures thought so all my family can get an idea how our barracks look. If she is jealous you can give her one of me if you want. I will try to have some more taken, O.K.! All of the pictures were taken in our room. The other two guys in the pictures with me are my roommates and the other Prep School Candidates (West Point). The pictures with just me in them shows what my part of the room looks like. If you notice I need to do laundry. So what do you think of the room. Pretty nice, huh. Not Army looking. In the one picture me and Clint are showing off, being camera hams. This one was especially for you. Clint and Scott say Hi too. The red Porsche in the one picture is the car we might have someday.

I can’t wait to come home. I think I would make a good recruiter. I know a lot of people that need a steady job. I also know a guy who needs to spend some time at home with his Fiancé . Well I better get going O.K. I write more real soon. Also I’ll try to have some more pictures taken. I Miss You! LOVE YOU NOW, FOREVER & ALWAYS,

Ronnie

P.S. I can’t wait till 1989!!!

I was back at school and a bit more upbeat than I thought I would be. Ronnie was always right. Everything would work out. We had just spent two weeks together and he would come home at the end of January when he graduated from A School. Then we would find out where he was going…home to Frederick or where ever the Army sent him. If for some reason he wasn’t stationed in Frederick we would have time to get married and we now knew everything that had to be taken care of to get married in a hurry.

16 Jan 86
To My Only Love, Heather [not giving out my middle name]
How are you doing? I’m doing just fine. I finally got your pictures today. They are just fantastic! I Love them! You look so good in all of those pictures. I really like the one from the COZY, you know which one. You look really, really sexy in that picture. I LOVE YOU! I wish I could see you like that every night. Of couse, someday I will. The pictures that you took at the airport were really good too. You look especially good in those pictures. I Love your smile! It make me feel so good to see you smile and be happy. I can’t wait to see the pictures we had taken at Monkey Wards. I know you’ll look good in those too. I LOVE YOU NOW FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!

Love Ya,
Ronnie

Ha! Ha! I fooled you. I’m back. You don’t think I could say goodbye so soon do you. I got at least 2 or 3 more pages left.

Heather, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! [drawings of three hearts]!! I’m in a pretty good mood today after talking to you last night and finding out all of this good news. I’m really glad to most likely be going home for Recruiter Aide. I’ll be able to see you a whole lot! My two friends are going to Germany. You know, Scott and Clinton. Did you talk to SGT. Powell yet and tell him our orders came in and I’m not going to Germany. Also did you tell him to call the Battery (B) and talk to my Commander. If not tell him to call soon. It would help a lot. Thanks, my love! It would be really neat to see you come down for graduation. I would love it, but remember it is a long drive and possibly a lot of money. If you did come down for graduation and I get stationed in Frederick for Recruiter duty; there would be two things that could happen: 1. I have travel time and could drive home with you. That would be great! 2. I would have to take a plane back and therefore beat you to Frederick. That wouldn’t be so good. Well it looks like I better find out what is going on so we can hurry up and make our plans. If you come out here for graduation I would want you to take my car because it seems like it could make the long trip a lot better. It also wouldn’t take away your Moms car for a couple of days. Also if you brought my car, I could drive back.

We have a dress greens inspection on Saturday by the Colonel. Then we are authorized our off post pass. We go to the field on the 21st for 2 nights and 3 days. We will erect the missile and practice or pretend we’re firing it. We are allowed to take pictures on these field exercises. I’m going to try to take some of me and the missile and send you some, O.K. I LOVE YOU [heart] !!!!!!

I also got your other letter today. The one that you typed. I got to tell you, that was a nicely typed letter. No mistakes at all. I enjoyed reading it. You said that sometimes you find yourself being pulled in two directions. One says let go and the other says hold on. I hope that your stronger part, to hold on, takes over and eliminates the part that wants to let go. I know I love you and I know I’m going to marry you and I know I’m not going to let you go no matter what. I only have one feeling in me and that is to keep you forever! Even though it does hurt to say goodbye all the time, it would hurt more to leave you. So I just look at the future and see what is to come - A long happy life with my future wife Heather [middle and last name]!!!

That was a very interesting dream you had about us at Players. I want you to be positive sure that someone does love you. I do. I want to marry you. I will never leave you. The past that we both had will never repeat itself. I will be your last love and you will be my last love. I will love you and you only til the end of time. Please don’t worry about things changing between us. Nothing will come between us, we are bonded like the seal of super glue. We will never be parted from each other, ever. I miss you a whole lot. It would hurt me so much to leave you so I never will. I never want to. I want to marry you and have a family with you and spend the rest of my life with you. I LOVE YOU!! I so glad your parents know of our future plans. I’m glad that you might be able to visit me wherever I go. That would be great. I’ll get to bed now, wish you were here. I’ll probably most likely see ya at the end of the month. Talk to SGT Powell, O.K. I miss you so much! I Need You!!

LOVE YOUR FIANCE NOT, FOREVER, AND ALWAYS !!!!!!

April 1st 1985 & 1989?
TLA Ron Loves Heather TLA

Ronnie
X0X0X
OXOXO
XOXOX
OXOXO

Sergeant Powell was great about keeping in touch with me. I stopped by to chat with him on my way in to work as it was in the same mall as Montgomery Wards. If he didn’t see me or hear from me for a few days he called my house to check in with me. It was funny when my Dad answered the phone “She is already signed up with Naval Academy. She isn’t interested in the Army.” He was always surprised that I was so willing to talk to an Army recruiter. Each time I had to explain it was Powell, Ronnie’s Recruiter.

I remember one visit where Dizzy-D went with me on my day off. We were shopping for dresses and I had become so accustomed to being in their office it was like being in someone’s living room. I was sitting on one of the desks swinging my feet and looking down at the floor while I chattered on about the latest news from Ronnie. Sergeant Powell was filing papers a few feet away and he said “I loose more guys because of sweet little girls like you. You are the ‘All American Girl’ the ‘Girl Next Door’. If you had been one of those others…that only wants to get married, get away from their parents, well those usually drop off quick. Thank you for sticking with this. He needs you more than he is letting on.”

More than he was letting on? Well, maybe it was the fact that I only passed on some information. I didn’t pass on the mushy stuff to Sergeant Powell. I didn’t even let my friends read all the letters Ronnie sent. Aside from Ronnie’s phone calls and letters Sergeant Powell was my only other link to what was possibly going on with Ronnie in Oklahoma. Any information he could pass on or any questions he could answer were another way for me connect to Ronnie. Any link with Ronnie was greatly appreciated. I need it. I need it so much.

Military Wedding?

Christmas was celebrated at my family's house on Christmas Eve at midnight so I could enjoy Christmas Day at Ronnie's house. I did have to wait until he called to say they were awake and everything. I would like to say I was bright eyed and bushy tailed but I was reluctant to wake after such a late night of opening presents at home. Ronnie understood and called me again around lunch time. I came over as soon as I was ready. All of my gifts were wrapped perfectly, after all I wasn't the best gift wrapper Wards had ever known for nothing.

I can remember exactly what I gave his parents ....a speaker phone "Now Ronnie can call and speak to all of you at once!" This was a HUGE deal! Everyone wanted to HEAR him when he called and his phone calls home were few and far between. He usually only called his family when he couldn’t reach me. I wanted more than anything for him to call me but sometimes I felt he was neglecting his family. Even when he called his family they had to pass on information they had heard because we didn't really have speaker phones or anything much like them at the time.

I even bought one for myself so my family could hear his voice. I was so enthralled with his voice I wanted my family to know just how much and experience it with me. I had mine installed off the kitchen phone. This way everyone in the whole house would KNOW I was on the phone with Ronnie! I didn’t use it very much as our conversations always lead to mushy stuff.

Christmas night I was at Ronnie's house with his family. It was wonderful. He was so happy to have his family, best friends and me all under one roof. There were a few times I had to remind him that we were not alone. We only kissed lightly on the lips when others were around which was something new for us. He got out of hand a few times...so I had to remind him we were in his parents house. Ok, Players was a different story. This was his territory, he didn’t have to prove anything to anyone and he knew it. There were a few times he pulled me behind closed doors and only managed to kiss me once or twice before I said "Open that door young man" or his Mom came around and said the same thing. It was a bit funny to his Mom and I but Ronnie didn't seem to think so. "You will be my wife soon and that won't work. Everyone will have to get use to it sooner or later."

When he said that to his mother, she said "As long as you are under my roof mister." I had to laugh! My parents would have said the same thing! And then some, because I was a their precious princess. The Leadore’s house was a Ranch style, ours was a two story so upstairs where the bedrooms were was off limits and anyone trying to make their way up. Any guy trying that at our house…well they would have been shot. There was a loaded shot gun in the closet at the bottom of the stairs. My Dad's spoken policy was "Shoot first and ask questions latter." My Dad never fired that shot gun, not even when he went hunting. He did make a habit of cleaning it when I introduced a guy who wanted to go out on a date with me. Surprisingly, not one guy ever left without going on the first date with me but there were several one and only dates.

Each day that passed we volleyed back and forth. Ronnie wanted us to get married as soon as he stepped off the plane and I wanted to at least finish college. Things changed since that night at the Cozy. I felt we had to get married as soon as possible. On the days I was thinking we had to get married that day Ronnie would say "Your parents would never forgive me if you didn't graduate high school." I eventually came up with a plan. We would get married, he would go back to finish A School and I would finish high school. In the mean time all the proper military forms would be filled out and we would be together no matter where they sent him. He didn’t like that plan “What if I come back here for Recruiter Aide? We will be married, you living with your parents and me at the base. When we are married we WILL live under OUR own roof, together.” The thought of us being married and living in the same house while I went to high school just seemed so wrong…to both of us. Could you imagine if I was sick, who would write my note to the attendance office? My parents or my husband? Weird.

Then there were days when Ronnie said "I can't live without you. We need to get married before I leave." Usually I was a little brat on those days. “Well, you didn’t want to when I suggested it and I’M the GIRL! Do you know how difficult it is to be the GIRL and say something like that? Why is it a bad idea when I say it but not when you say it?“ We always seemed to be on opposites on any given day ..."your parents would never forgive me if I made you give up your diploma" and I was telling him they would forgive so long as our parents were invited to the wedding. We didn't need permission. We wanted approval. He wanted my parents approval. "They need to know that I can take care of you and your Dad was in service before. You know what it is like. I want us to have that townhouse. I want us to have that car and you don't have to do anything." I told him over and over again "I don't want things, I want you. I want to be with you. We can work together to get those things." Ronnie would come back with "You are not making this decision on your own, I want you to have things and so do your parents. We are not negotiating this." I have to admit I was use to getting my way. Ronnie saying there was no "negotiating" was the end of the line and I didn't like it but I knew he meant it. I pitched a little girlie pouting fit about it but he would budge. Again, another first for me. If I pouted or said "or else" I usually got my way with everyone except Ronnie. He only let me get my way if it was the right decision or it didn’t effect the rest of our lives. My goodness, I have to say ...how young was I?!

I was a real brat but I felt I had every right to be. We already made love and we were not married yet. I was going to give up the two nominations I had to the Naval Academy so why wouldn’t he give a little bit over ‘things’? That’s right, I not only had a letter of nomination from our local Congress woman but I also had one from President Ronald Regan who can only give out a few per year. Ronnie didn’t really want me to go to the Academy since that would mean four years at the Academy and four years of service. With him in the Army and me in the Navy we wouldn’t see much of each other. My Dad was very proud I was accepted but he was also worried. Women in the Academy wasn’t exactly new but they went through more than what the Navy put on them.

Ronnie and were both on the same side and in agreement on New Years Eve. We had everything planned, so we thought. The brides maids (Lefty's Angles) would wear their prom dresses from the last prom, the ushers would wear the suits they have and Ronnie would rent a tux. I tried and tried to explain how wonderful it would be to get married in his dress greens but he wouldn't budge on that. IN turn I wouldn't budge on my dress. I did look at several shops but the least expensive was a 20s flapper dress and I wanted something in the lines of wedding dresses from "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes." Since it was after Christmas and there was the Cozy party, we had both spent a great deal of our money. We still had our own car insurance to pay. I had a check coming for around $70. The facts were we would have enough to pay for everything in a month or so but not enough to get married right away.

Then there was the obstacle of telling our parents. We could just elope but I Promised we would tell his Mom! I wanted a nice wedding too, with my friends and both of our families. I had it all planned out with his approval before. The biggest obstacle we faced was my graduation. It wasn't just my parents but his as well "she has to finish school first." Both of our friends (especially mine), his parents, the faculty at my school, turning down two nominations to the Naval Academy - and me a Navy Chief's daughter. Ronnie had already graduated from high school and now making his own way in the world. The focus was now on me, what I had to give up and what no one wanted me to give up.

Well, we had our work cut out for us be we pushed forward. Ronnie and I went to his Catholic church only to find out they wouldn't marry us unless I converted. We only had a few days. I would have done anything to marry him at that point but time was of the essence since he was leaving in just a few days. My church would marry us but we had to take a two week marriage course. We finally decided on the chapel on base, Ft. Detrick. The pastor there would marry us and even told me about the sword and saber squad (they were supplied with a rifle squad but it would the same as a saber squad). I was a little afraid of being swatted on the butt. Apparently, when the married couple reaches the end of the arch the swards/rifles are crossed to stop them and the soldier on the bride’s side swats her on the butt and says “Welcome to the Army!” I thought they meant he swats me with a sward or rifle not his hand. He also told Ronnie and I that we needed a local marriage license.

We talked to his recruiter who made it sound like it was a done deal that Ronnie would come back to Frederick as a Recruiter's Aide. From the recruiter it sounded like one phone call to the commander would make it all happen. Ronnie believed him but I had my doubts. It wasn't anything personal, I had lived as a military brat all my life. You could be living in one city one day and have to move to the next day then go back to the same city the same day or go across country. Nothing wrong with that because you are use to it, you are a military brat, that is the way it is. Or you could be stationed and live in the same place for years. That is the military. Random as necessary. Ronnie believed what he was told...set in stone. To me I heard a possibility not a promise. IF the military, any branch, promises you anything, get it witting and frame in on the wall. (Government of any sort not just the military - I still have a personal, hand written letter of apology from the IRS framed)

My parents were very proud of the way I handled Ronnie's initial departure. They didn't know I agreed to marry him...our engagement was one sided ...only his family knew about it. My parents would have stopped any and all letters from him had they known. They thought he was a phase...they were waiting it out. My parents knew I was very serious about Ronnie but they hoped the distance from him would be good for me, i.e. I would get over him. I didn't have to tell Ronnie about how my parents felt about my future...he knew. I was expected to discover a cure for cancer or at least be on the house of senate as a speaker of some sort. At the very least I could make a good go of the "square" combat ship. Before Ronnie came home I had great dreams and expectations of myself. So did my family and even my friends. I gave in. All I wanted was to be Ronnie's wife and make him proud of me. I stopped wanting to make my Dad proud of me. I stopped wanting to make my friends expect great things of me. I only wanted to be Ronnie's wife. Do everything to make Ronnie happy. I was part of his life. Brining Ronnie his slippers at the end of the work day seemed far more satisfying than brining up old parchments to the capital building and reminding them why those parchments existed. All that mattered to me was Ronnie. Being near him. I only cared about being within arms reach of him.

We finally agreed to get married on New Years day but everything was closed and nothing we could do about my wedding dress and still afford wedding rings ( it was really important that we have a double ring ceremony instead of my idea to use just my engagement ring), the photos we had at the portrait studio wouldn't be ready for our announcement, and we wouldn't get a marriage license for Three Days! Ronnie had to go back on January 3rd.

There were a few arguments between us "Well, if you had agreed at the time I said we should do it...." When it finally sunk in that there was nothing we could do about it…we agreed that this must not be the right time. Ronnie reminded me of something I always seemed to have on hand when I wanted it "Everything happens for a reason." I have always believed that God knows the big plan, the big picture and I have to go with it and what happens later will be better than I ever expected.

We finally accepted there was nothing we could do. We just had to put our lives in God's hands. Everything would workout. Our friends were ready at moments notice for our wedding but we never had the plans nailed down enough to actually tell our parents that we were about to have our wedding. It took a lot of courage to tell my parents we had been engaged for months.

Ronnie went back to the base in OK to finish his A school. His graduation was the end of January.

*************
Sorry it took so long to get this posted. There are many things coming regarding the Ronnie Crazy For You Soap Opera that I had great difficulty writting. I had to stop thinking about it for awhile. Some things life throws at you...well, you just don't come to terms with...even after so many years.

On the upside I have re-connected with several of my friends in the past. They were really suprised I kept a certain incident to myself all these years. What that is you will have to wait until I can actually get it all down without breaking down.

Sisters Get Along and Times They Don't...

Thank you Brill for opening a door that might be shut forever.

I just had a huge fight with my little sister whom I absolutely love. She and I had never argued like this before. She actually said "I'm sorry I ever called you! I don't ever want to speak to you again! EVER!" Thanks to Brill, after my sister hung up on me screaming yelling at me. I thought at first, ok I will wait until tomorrow for her to cool off and we will patch things up. Instead, thanks again to Brill, I called my sister right back and expected the answering machine where I would apologize profusely. My Sis answered the phone and said in a haughty voice "WHAT!?!!" We both left off yelling at each other. When I called back I said very calmly "Ok, I am a donkey's butt. I am." You could tell that was not the answer she expected out of me and she half laughed but she didn't hang up. At first she screamed and yelled at me and I sat there and waited for her to get it all out. It was only a matter of minutes before she half laughingly said "Did you actually say Donkey butt?" "Sure, I said Donkey butt. I have recently added Monkey butt and chicken butt to my vocabulary but my children say I am not allowed to use those terms in public." Half crying and half laughing she says "So you say Donkey butt?" "Yeah, I said Donkey butt. I am sorry I was not listening to all you had to say. It upsets me that you don't always see the potential you have. Not to grow on but HAVE in hand. I am still a Donkey butt for not waiting to hear all you had to say. You are a monkey butt for swinging around the trees to hang me right away though." "What?! I'm a butt? A Monkey butt?!" "Yes, you are prettier than me." {Silence..........} Then we seem to both burst into laughter at the same time. She said half crying and half laughing "I'm not a monkey butt. I said "Oh but you are prettier than me, I'm a donkey butt." More laughter and we also work out the original issue. Still talking and laughing at the end of the phone call.

Portrait Studio

Even though Ronnie was home and my school was now closed for the holidays I still had to work. During the time I was at work Ronnie ran his errands and even came to see me during my lunch or dinner break depending on what my hours were that day. During one of my breaks we had our photos taken at the Montgomery Wards Portrait studio located right next to the credit card counter I worked. Those guys at the studio were a real hoot! And I mean that! They were gay and the one guy really cracked me up. They were a couple one seemed more like a straight guy (Ryan) and the other was a real flamer (Daryl). I loved listening to them talk to each other, the way Daryl carried on about every thing and Ryan was always trying to calm him down “Nancy, your slip [gay] is showing.” They told us that we looked like the perfect couple. “Your children are going to be absolutely gorgeous!” Ronnie and I had never met a gay person before. I thought they were great but I think they scared Ronnie a little.

Before I go on…

I want to explain my decision to post certain things in my last post. There aren’t many books that I have read which describe “a first time” accurately in my opinion. Everything I had heard and read before that night was full of wonderful feelings of excitement, pure joy and ecstasy. “The earth MOVED, the Angels wept and the Heavens opened up in song” and many other things I found out were so NOT true. I thought all those feelings I felt in my heart and physically from kissing, tenderness and being so closely held…well, making love would be an even more intense feeling. When it‘s your first time, it so isn‘t all that… I thought of a more appropriate phrase “Love Hurts!”

When my Mother gave me “the talk” in 7th grade, she said “When two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together they make love. It is a wonderful, joyful time in a young woman’s life. It is a truly wonderful experience. God made us this way so we could enjoy life together with one very special man.” That was IT. She didn’t say anything else. Ever. Not even the night before my wedding.

I had the talk with Oldest Daughter and I told her - When you think you have the right guy you better be ready to walk down the isle. I know it isn’t realistic to think you would wait until your wedding night but hey, I can hope. It is a great gift to give yourself to your husband as a virgin because he will know no one else has ever touched you. Think of how upset you get when your brother or sister uses your toothbrush. That is a toothbrush, that goes in your mouth. Think about the mechanics of sex…(pause for her to think over what parts go where). Yeah, you want to make sure its not contaminated right? STD testing is FREE and you should have your hubby tested before you get married.

Anyway, the first time is a bit painful experience but if you are getting married you already know you love each other and will spend the rest of your lives together. The pain is not like someone dropping a piano on you, its more like banging your private area into the corner of the coffee table over and over until the guy reaches his climax. You might have a burning sensation around your abdomen and some abdominal muscle pain. This is normal and it wont last very long. If it does then come to me and we will talk it over. It won’t always feel like that. After many, many times it is actually really, really enjoyable. Incredible even! The thing is you don’t want to have to go through all of the initial physical pain if you are not going to be with that person forever.

I really, REALLY wish someone would have told me! I was not at all prepared for my first time. Or the times after that. It really took a long time for it to actually feel incredible. I couldn’t understand why in the world so many girls from my high school were so willing to have sex. Not only was it uncomfortable it was also very messy and a bit gross. “Wet Spot”, um, ewww! Then you think about all of those guys having sex in their cars? The cars they loved more than anyone. There are oh so many cars I wouldn’t have sat in, front seat or back, had I known about wet spots before the Cozy. Like anyone who ever dated Nicky or even Giggles and many of the guys in band. Guys in band use to drive me home after practice, many of which I knew were sexually active with whichever girlfriend they had at the time. Again, Ewww! I would have walked home if I had known how messy sex was.

Well, I hope everyone forgives me for my posts on sex. It’s my blog and I can write what I like but I truly didn’t want to offend anyone. I only thought it was fair to write it as it was not dress it up pretty or just say “we did it.” I also want to add that Ronnie didn’t do anything wrong. My body just wasn’t use to sex…yet.

Cozy Inn Surprise Party …Continued

(Parental Supervision Strongly Recommended)

Jim dropped him off after a party with his friends. Sad to say there were only one or two of Ronnie’s friends at my party. For some reason our friends didn’t seem to mesh as well as we had hoped. Oh well, it didn’t matter really. What mattered tonight was my friends were celebrating how much they appreciated Ronnie and his return home!

Given our past escapades…the Cozy last time and our well lack of taking care of business along with how hot and bothered we get in his car but didn’t follow through. Well this might work.

Ronnie and I mingled for a few minutes then I lost my nerve. When no one was looking I bailed by crawling out a back window in the bed room. Lori was in the parking lot out back looking for the party. I asked her to take me to the nearest gas station. She laughed. She graduated in 85 from my high school and knew me very well. “It’s ok to be a little afraid. Let’s go get a bite to eat and talk it over. You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” We went to a McDonalds up the street but I couldn’t eat. I was so nervous! I worried that Ronnie would leave when he couldn’t find me anywhere in that cabin. Then what would I do? What could I say?

By the time Lori’s food arrived we had talked enough that I felt confident I was doing the right thing. Lori didn’t say a word the whole time. I did all the talking. I convinced myself this was the right thing to do. We had her food packed to go and returned to the cabin. We could have gone through the front door but I thought it was better to crawl back through the window. Darn! Someone closed and locked that window so we had to go through the front door. Ugh! I didn’t want everyone to know I bailed! Oh well, it only mattered to one person if I bailed or not. As soon as I walked through the door I scanned the room and there he was…leaning up against a wall in the living room. The look on his face was pure joy. He started to walk towards me but stopped, my smile assured him I was walking straight over to him.

I walked right up to him, pushed my hands inside his jacket around his waist and pressed my head against his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair then held my face in his hands so we were looking right at each other. “Heather, I WANT to do this but we don’t NEED to do this.” I blushed and buried my face in his chest. “I know. I just want to have a nice party for you.”

We played a few rounds of quarter with nearly warm beer because the fridge didn’t work right. Was I going to call the management to take care of it? No! We were all under aged and there were far more people in the cabin than allowed.

After awhile Ronnie said it was time for me to stop so I stopped playing and stopped socializing. I am sure I stopped making sense to anyone. Kay-Kay had already explained that we were there for the night so he put me to bed in “our room.” He noticed the sheer robe on the bed and asked about it. “That goes with a little something the girls took me shopping for today.” I decided to show him what that was all about. I had pondered what to do about the lingerie. Rather than having to change into it I would wear it under my clothes. Ronnie and I seemed to do better about getting all hot and bothered when we were both fully clothed and this would have been a nice surprise. I sat up in the bed, unbuttoned my shirt a little to show him a bit of it and he took a deep breath. He didn’t say a word but leaned over and kissed me.

Then he mentioned the Champaign Jim sent over with him. The Champaign had been in the room since Ronnie got there but we were sure it might still be a little chilled from the trip over. We drank a few glasses while we talked about how much we had missed each other. Specifically, seeing each other face to face, holding each others hands, being held…then one thing lead to another and we were laying down on the bed, hot and breathing heavily.

All of a sudden I jumped up! And yelled “STOP!!!” Poor Ronnie “Are you kidding me?” I was trying to make my way off the bed “No, Really! Stop!” Then I couldn’t speak. I was holding my mouth and pushing him away. I did the hand motions for WAIT! WAIT! I took a few breaths and in between I said “Get K - Get K! Need K!” Poor Ronnie didn’t know what to think but he ran out of the room. Ronnie didn’t come back in the room but Kay- Kay and Dizzy-D did and said “Come on! It’s Ronnie! He loves you….” Just before they started in on all the reasons I love Ronnie I said “I HURT! {gagging} My stomach!”

This was something they had heard before…not from me but they knew what to do. In a matter of seconds they opened the bedroom door and announced that everyone look at the front door for a BIG surprise! Then Dizzy said to me “Run to the bathroom. HURRY!” I ran from the bedroom through the living room where there were more than 20 people watching the front door. Then through the kitchen where I almost knocked over Flic and made it into the bathroom. I heard someone say “Did Heather run through here naked?” I was mortified! I wasn’t naked! I was wearing the lingerie but still if they would have said lingerie I would have felt the same.

Warm beer and warm champagne do not mix well in a body that is only 98 lbs. I thought I had it all figured out, I would be so smashed I couldn’t screw it up this time. Now I was in the bathroom with everything in my stomach making a quick exit. Flic and Giggles were in there with me right away. As soon as Kay-Kay and Dizzy-D knew I made it in the bathroom they came in. Flic was holding my hair back and Giggles put a wet wash cloth on the back of my neck. Dizzy-D laughingly said “Only you could be so nervous. You love the guy and now he has to sweat it out …again.” I started crying and Kay-Kay said “Don’t worry. He loves you. He knows you love him and you are trying.” Giggles and Flic added “We can fix your make up and we have toothpaste to freshen up your breath.”

Then a knock came at the bathroom door…it was Ronnie and he was really worried “Heather? Are you ok? Is she ok?” We all laughed!! Then there was a unanimous “She will be out in a minute!” Not only did I love Ronnie but all of my friends thought he was the perfect guy for me. They had never said that about any other guy I dated. Mostly, they hated any guy I had dated before hand. For all of them to agree that one particular guy was perfect for me was just amazing. He had the approval of my best friends, my guy friends and every friend I had. Even my parents liked him!

On top of all of that he was the reason I could breath. I loved him so very much. Then, there I am kneeling to the porcelain god, being violently ill. There was no mistaking what I was doing in that bathroom. I was so embarrassed I just couldn’t follow through. I wanted to, more than anything but now…magic doesn’t follow this sort of trip to the bathroom.

My friends patched up my make up and gave me enough toothpaste to poison an elephant. When the bathroom door opened Ronnie was standing right there. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me straight to the bed room and laid me on the bed “Do you want water? Soda? Anything at all. I will get it for you.” I reached out my hand and stroked his face. “I just want you to hold me” and he did. He placed my left arm across his chest to his right shoulder while placing my head on his left shoulder and he wrapped his arms lightly around me. With a light sigh he said “I love you. Thank you for the party. It was a great party.” I sort of laughed. “Yeah! Some party. I’m sorry. I did try. I did want to…” he shhhed me and said “I know you wanted to. This isn’t easy for you. I Love You. I love you Now, Forever and Always. Always. I Love you. It will happen when it’s the right time for both of us.”

I fell asleep for a little while. It couldn’t have been long because I could still hear music and people in the living room. He was still holding me. It was such a nice, warm, safe feeling that I couldn’t help myself. He was asleep but he woke up when I kissed him. We started kissing. Heavy breathing ensued and he held me tighter and tighter. Soon he was looming over top of me kissing my neck and his arms running under my back. He rubbed his cheeks against mine and said “I love you. I want to be with you …always. You are my love. My one and only. I love you.”

I was so intoxicated with his kisses and his words. I knew all along I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was agony being away from him for past few months. I need him like I needed air to breath. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close. I kissed him as if my last breath of life depended on it. He kissed my neck and I kissed his. What ever he did to me I mirrored to him. If his body flinched upward so did mine. He kissed my ears and I was lost in a translucent pink fog. Then I felt his presence in mine.

A fearful gasped escaped out of me. He was slowly pushing his way into me. I was confused. It didn’t make my body feel wonderful and tingly like the kissing, gentle touching and being in his arms. It was pressure and painful, like banging your knee on the corner of a coffee table, over and over again. I didn’t know what to do. I froze. He kissed me very gently over and over again while asking me if I was ok. Instinctively I nodded. I kissed him back and he moved …he moved inside me and each time I gasped. I was trying to control my breathing so I wouldn’t cry. This was new to me and I didn’t know how to react. I was afraid but the more he kissed me, the more his arms and hands touched my back and grasped me the more I felt this was right. Sometimes squeezing me too tightly and sometimes very gentle. The pain wouldn’t go away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop. His movements became faster … faster. His breathing was heavy and quick. Suddenly he said “Stop! Don’t move!” Then he reached his climax and erupted inside me. The combination of his breathing and the explosion felt wonderful.
It felt like his heart was wrapping its self around me. He stopped moving, kissed me long and hard then laid next to me. I felt relived to have him out of me. But I also felt our souls had been bound together, forever.

While catching his breath he pulled me next to him and squeezed me tightly and asked “Are you? Are you sure you are ok? Did I hurt you?” I held on to him tightly saying “I’m ok. I’m ok.” I don’t know if I was trying to convince him or myself. I felt tears running down my face. I was so confused, I felt sad and happy at the same time. Ronnie loved me. I was sure of that. He would never hurt me. He only wanted to be closer to me. Bound with me. We wanted to be together always and this was a bond that couldn’t be broken. It was very uncomfortable for my body but for my heart it was the most extreme moment of my life.

I was so happy. Then I couldn‘t control the tears that were now running down my face like a waterfall. I didn’t know why at first. He felt the tears on his chest. He leaned over on his side and laid me down on the pillow and in a choked up voice said “Heather! Heather, are you ok? Oh please be ok.” I took a few breaths and said “I’m ok.” the crying grew and he was feeling so sorrowful. I thought of him saying “Don’t Move” and I started to cry more. I sobbed into his shoulder “Did I do it wrong? I‘m sorry. I‘m so sorry.” He half laughed and held me closer. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is what is suppose to happen.” Ok, so I didn’t do it wrong but I was still crying. There was something else. “Heather, it’s ok. I promise.” I couldn’t stop myself … It had to come out --- I sobbed so wearily “We’re, ….we’re noooot, ….married. I promised and I’m not suppose to…” He held me so tightly I could hardly breath, stoked my hair over and over while kissing all over my face. He said “Shhh. It will be ok. Shhhh. We are getting married. We will get married tomorro, next week, next month or 1989. Whenever you say. I wont rush you. Know this, we will be married. I will be your husband and you my wife. We are ok. We are ok.” My arms closed around his shoulders and I took a few breaths. I could breath and the tears drifted away. Before this night I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. We jumped over this line drawn in the sands of life together …together forever.

Surprise Party at the Cozy Inn

My friends and I wanted to throw Ronnie a surprise homecoming party at the Cozy. This time it wouldn’t be just Ronnie and I. All of our friends were invited. Ronnie’s best friend Jim offered to make sure Ronnie made it there.

My friends and I booked a large cabin with two bedrooms, full kitchen and dinning/ living room combo. My friends also decided I needed to do a little shopping before the party. I had never been so embarrassed in my whole life! They took me shopping all over the city for lingerie. Everything I saw looked far too slutty. If I had to buy something I wanted it to be classy and beautiful, something you would see on Dynasty. Finally we agreed on a purchase and I was relieved. I didn’t want to go in to one more shop. What if on our way out we had seen someone we know from like Church! Or someone who knew my parents?! I would have just Died!

Since Ronnie made it clear that what ever he was doing I would be right there with him I had to tell him a little white lie. He couldn’t come shopping with us or help us with any of the party preparations. So, I told him I was working that day and he should hang out with his friends. Ronnie is so sweet. He decided to come visit me at work. I wasn’t at work. They also told him I wasn’t on the schedule to work. Oh boy was he angry! He was thinking of all the worst case scenarios. Was I out with another guy? One of those new Guy Pals? He drove all over Frederick looking for me! The longer he looked for me the more his anger grew. Finally he went home and let out his anger in front of his friends. Jim tried to calm him down but nothing was working so he told him about the surprise party. Ronnie calmed down considerably.

I arrived at the cabin in the early afternoon to make sure everything was set up. I even went to the store to pick up a few things for breakfast. Yes, we were staying the whole night. I was not going to be alone. There were two bedrooms and a pull out in the living room. All of the Angles were going to be there to get me through this. I was nervous as all get out and we all knew what had happened the last time Ronnie and staid the night together. This time it was very important. He wanted to get married right away but I needed a compromise. I would be completely his and not sacrifice my high school diploma.

I had to do this! This time I really had to follow through. Not just to do it but to let him know I was his. I wasn’t going anywhere with anyone else. I was going to do this. We had a few near misses getting all hot and heavy in his car at the Falls or the Overlook. We were both all hot and bothered with kissing and he actually managed to be laying on top of me and I was still kissing him. Then he started to undo his pants and I was all “STOP! I need air!” While still laying on top of me he rolled down the window of the passenger door. I then said “Um, ah, I need to get out and walk around.” He said I could do that later. He was kissing my cheeks when he noticed there were a few tears on my face.

He stopped, sat up. Frustrated he said “What?!” I sat up and looked at him with sort of sad puppy eyes “I just can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.” He banged his hands on the steering wheel then said “Why do you keep doing this to me? We come up here. You kiss me like that. I kiss your neck and you move your body like…” He didn’t finish that sentence instead he grabbed hold of the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. “Ronnie you know I can’t. You’ve always known. I’m really sorry.” He was quit for a few minutes then I said “I just really, REALLY like kissing you. I love having your arms wrapped around me. It feels so good to snuggle up to you.” He let go of the steering wheel, sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. While shaking his head he said “How do you just stop like that? Doesn’t it frustrate you?” “No, actually, I really like getting all hot and bothered like that with you.” He started up the car then said “It must be different for girls. Guys can’t shut it off like that.” I slid up next to him and wound my arm around his and he said “No. You get over there. All the way over there by the door.” He meant what he said but he was being playful about it. “Go on, scoot back over there. No telling what might happen if I get you in my arms again. I don’t think I would stop.” He was sounding a little bit pouty and for some reason that made me want to laugh. I turned my head away and covered my mouth to keep from laughing. “Are you laughing at me?” “Ronnie, you are so cute. I love you.”

So, this surprise party was going to be The Night! Everything was ready. Giggles’ brother provided liquid lavation, we brought candles, food, soda and everyone of the Angles was ready to back me up on The Night. I was ready. Well, almost. I needed some liquid encouragement. It was unanimously agreed that although all the alcohol was still a bit warm it wouldn’t hurt me with my Irish background. So, we girls played quarters to make it fun. No matter who made it …or not I had to drink. After a few rounds of quarters I decided it was time for photos. If I happened to chicken out at the last minute at least Ronnie would have photos of me in my lingerie to keep him company in the Army. Kay-Kay and Dizzy-D told me how to pose and I laughed myself silly. I couldn’t imagine myself being sexy even with this lingerie. Still, I posed and did mostly what they said. Ronnie didn’t know about the photos so I figured what was the harm. If I didn’t like them then he would never know they existed.

Soon other people started to show up. People from our school had heard about the party and started to come in droves. “I only told a couple of people” seemed to be the standard answer. Then there were even people who had graduated a few years before us! Um, huh? Have you ever seen that commercial about the shampoo, then I told someone then they told a few people and so on and so on…

The cabin was over run with people. We didn’t know what to do with them. At first we lied and said all the alcohol was gone. “No prob. We brought our own!” Soon the place was swimming with all sorts of people and alcohol. There was a BIG BANG from one of the bedrooms. Ooops! Dizzy-D, Flic and Giggles were all jumping on the bed with a few of the guys. Just jumping on the bed like little kids would do but to the sound of Punk music. The bed was broken. As I looked into the room I said “You are paying the deposit. You made your bed now you will sleep in it. I’m not sharing my bed with you.”

Several games of warm beer quarters later Ronnie came through the door! Finally! The guest of honor was here!

Off To A Bumpy Start

Friday and Saturday we spent all day with Ronnie’s friends and family. Well, not all of his friends. There was one friend I didn’t enjoy being around. Matt. Matt had a tendency to lean on the negative of every thing possible that could go wrong. It seemed like the only time he didn’t say anything negative was when he said nothing at all. The night I met Ronnie I had my first conversation with Matt. “Are you sure your boyfriend doesn’t mind you dancing with other guys?” “What boyfriend?” “Oh, I see. You mean which one?” I told him “I don’t have a boyfriend.” He asked “Then who is that guy you hugged? He is always up there dancing with you and he sits at the table with you.” “I hug all of my friends. I also dance with my friends.” He pointed out Patrick and I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Patrick? He is one of my Guy Pals. “That guy is not your friend. He wants to sleep with you. Guy Pals are just guys getting close to you and waiting for the opportunity to screw you.” I was appalled! In a bit of a stutter I said “You don’t know what you are talking about. You don’t know us. We don’t feel like that towards each other. There are rules too.” This I gotta hear. So, what are the Rules? I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue this awkward conversation but I wanted Ronnie to know those guys that were around me all night are not competing for my attention. They are just friends. I told him the rules “Little girl wake up. They don’t care about your rules. They want to screw you.” Ronnie told Matt to stop and for me to ignore him.

While Ronnie was home for Christmas I tried not to say anything that would start up a conversation with Matt. I tried not to say anything at all in front of Matt. That didn’t stop him. He would watch Ronnie and I kiss or hug then say “It will never last. She will cheat on you and break your heart.” Or “She’s never going to marry you.” Ronnie knew this was just part of Matt’s personality and didn’t take it personally. He also knew it was upsetting me. Ronnie had enough and told Matt that if he didn’t stop then he wouldn’t see him for the rest of his visit. He stopped …saying them in front of Ronnie. Instead he would whisper these things as he passed by me. It was very hurtful. Thank goodness we didn’t see much of Matt.

The first Sunday Ronnie was home Giggles said “Lets all go to Player's tonight!” I didn’t really want to go to Players. I wanted to spend time talking with Ronnie and maybe some alone time for kissing. Ronnie wanted to go so we went. After we were there for a little while I figured out why he wanted to go. He wanted to see what was going on at Players, if there was anyone new hanging around that he should be worried about. He even sat out a few dances and told me “Go ahead. Dance with your friends. I will be right here.” I danced with the Angles, Patrick and Ray-Ray as a group no one on one. I preferred dancing with a group but always made an exception for Ronnie. Him I wanted to dance alone with.

I came off the dance floor and sat across Ronnie’s lap, draping my arm around his neck. I wasn’t sitting there for more than a few seconds when Todd came up behind us. “You better put her down. That girl’s legs are locked at the knees and she’s engaged. You’re not going to get anywhere with her. Trust me. I am helping you out.” Before either of us could say anything he grabbed my arm and tried to yank me out of Ronnie’s lap! Ronnie put his arms around me and held me where I was. “Thanks buddy for watching out for her… but don’t you ever touch her again.” To say Ronnie was pissed was an understatement. “Todd! What is wrong with you?! This is Ronnie. He knows I’m engaged. I’m engaged to HIM!” Ronnie asked “Who is this guy?” I introduced them “This is Todd. He is a butt-hole.” Brent and Chris saw what happened and they came over to our table. Brent is Todd’s friend so he stands next to Todd and asked if everything was ok. I introduced him too “This is Brent. He isn’t a butt-hole. He is just friends with one.” Brent laughed. “Thanks. I’m not a butt-hole.” Giggles came to the table to take a little breather. As she walked past Todd she didn’t even look at him but there was a disgusted look on her face when she said “Hello A-hole.” Chris laughed! “See, Heather isn’t the only one who thinks you are a hole!” With that Todd and Brent walked away.

Ronnie asked Chris a lot of questions “Do guys act like this around Heather all the time?” Come on, they were acting like this when you were here. Did you think it was going to change? It’s not her fault really. People want to talk to her. Get to know her. Maybe even try to steal her away from you. She’s solid though. She knows she wants to marry you. She talks about you all the time.” When Ronnie asked about Todd, Chris explained that he knew him from Catholic high school. “Todd thinks he is God’s gift to women and it totally pisses him off that Heather doesn’t faint or fall at his feet when he passes by. I don’t think he is really after her. She just bruises his ego.”

I piped in with “Guys don’t usually grab me like Todd did. Todd doesn’t usually grab me either.” Chris continued, “She handles it all pretty well. If a guy wont leave her alone one of us steps in. She’s fine so long as she doesn’t come here alone.” I asked “Why would I come here alone? It wouldn’t be any fun.

Ronnie squeezed me tightly and gave me such a long, lingering kiss. I was a little embarrassed but I knew he was trying to send out a message to every guy there ‘I was HIS girl. They may talk to me and maybe dance with me but no one, absolutely no one else was ever going to kiss me.’ My friends were a little uneasy sitting next to us while we were kissing. They looked away or shielded their eyes. Dizzy-D said “Get a room. Please!” She was a little upset that Brent wouldn’t come near our table. She wanted to get to know him better and hoped he would ask her out. Brent was the reason we tolerated Todd.

To give my friends a break from the Heather and Ronnie kissing fest I asked the girls if they wanted to accompany me to the ladies room? Ronnie didn’t want me to leave his lap but Dizzy-D grabbed my hand and said “She will be back.” Then sang “We got a meeting in the ladies room. We’ll be back real soon.” Reluctantly, Ronnie let me go.

In the ladies room Dizzy wanted to know why Brent wasn’t coming over to sit with us. Apparently she didn’t see what happened between Ronnie and Todd so I explained. Then she asked me to go talk to Brent and tell him it was ok for him to come to our table. “There is no way! I can’t go anywhere near him with Todd standing next to him all the time. Ronnie would totally Freak! And I don’t trust Todd. I don’t want to be within arms reach of him. He is being extra awful tonight.” Dizzy sulked but we moved on to discuss our plans to throw a surprise party for Ronnie before he has to go back to the Army.

We headed back to our table where we saw Ronnie and Todd standing about an inch apart from one another, fists clenched, staring each other down and yelling. I got between them, pushed them apart and put my arms around Ronnie. I didn’t ask what happened. I could only imagine that Todd came over to provoke Ronnie and he was succeeding. I said to Ronnie “Let’s just leave.” “I’m not going anywhere. He should leave.” I smiled up at him and said “I would like some alone time with the man I am going to marry.” Then I laid my head against his chest. He unclenched his fists, put his arms around me then kissed me hard. Todd was once again walking away angry.

Ronnie and I drove up to the overlook on Gambrel Mountain. He was pretty quiet until we were almost there then he exploded. “What’s going on?! I haven’t been gone that long and look what I come back to?! Guys all over you! I can’t watch over you when I am at the base!” He was yelling at me as if I did something wrong? I didn’t do anything wrong. Instead of feeling defensive and yelling back at him I started to cry quietly. “Heather? What is going on?!” I turned to face the passenger window because I didn’t want him to see me crying. I hate crying and hate it even more when someone sees me crying. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what I did that was wrong. I haven’t done anything wrong.” He parked the car at the overlook then turned towards me “Something is going on or guys wouldn’t be grabbing you away from me!” “It’s not guys. It’s just one idiot. This never happened before now. No one grabs me. I tell everyone that I am engaged and how much I love you.”

Ronnie wasn’t letting up “You need to tell guys to back off.” Still facing the window I said “I do, if they don’t leave me alone I do tell them to back off. I don’t do anything to make guys come up to me. They just do and I tell them I’m already taken.” Then Ronnie laid down the law “Heather, if you talk to a guy he thinks he has a chance. If you smile in a guys direction, he thinks he has a chance.” Not really believing him I asked “What then? I’m not allowed to smile anymore? I shouldn’t talk to anyone any more?” “Heather, I don’t think you should dance with Patrick or Ray any more.” I turned around to face him because I couldn’t believe he said that. “Patrick and Ray are my friends! You know them. You know they don’t think like that about me. They are good guys.” Ronnie shook his head “When other guys at Players see you dancing and hugging on Patrick and Ray they think they can do that too.” “I can’t control what other people do or think. If they do think like that it doesn’t make it true. If a guy would come up and try that on me I would tell him to buzz off. Then they go away.” He was getting louder “That’s not the point! They shouldn’t be coming up to you! Does that Todd guy dance with you?” It was odd for Todd to be there “No. Actually, he doesn’t usually come to Players.” He couldn’t seem to stop firing questions at me “Where did you meet him then? He doesn’t go to TJ.” “At the mall. He works at a gym in the mall with Michael.” “Why were you at a gym with Michael?” “I wasn’t at the gym. Dizzy and I were at the mall, Michael was coming out of the gym for lunch. He said ‘Hi’ and he introduced Dizzy and me to Todd. See, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even hug Michael or shake his hand or anything like you said to make Todd think he had a chance. I didn’t even say one word to Todd.”

At this point I was crying so hard I was choking. Ronnie gave out a sigh, put his arms around me. “Chris is right. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I just get so angry knowing that when I am so far away from you there is always going to be some guy like Todd trying to take you away from me.” I slid into his lap and put my arms around his shoulders and squeezed him tight. “No one can take me away from you. I’m Crazy for you. Only you.”

It was suppose to be a fun night out at Players but that didn’t happen. I thought we were going to make out at the overlook and that went completely wrong. It was time to call it night and take me home. When we were standing at my front door I didn’t want to let go of him. I wanted to stay snuggled up in his arms forever.