Cozy Inn Surprise Party …Continued

(Parental Supervision Strongly Recommended)

Jim dropped him off after a party with his friends. Sad to say there were only one or two of Ronnie’s friends at my party. For some reason our friends didn’t seem to mesh as well as we had hoped. Oh well, it didn’t matter really. What mattered tonight was my friends were celebrating how much they appreciated Ronnie and his return home!

Given our past escapades…the Cozy last time and our well lack of taking care of business along with how hot and bothered we get in his car but didn’t follow through. Well this might work.

Ronnie and I mingled for a few minutes then I lost my nerve. When no one was looking I bailed by crawling out a back window in the bed room. Lori was in the parking lot out back looking for the party. I asked her to take me to the nearest gas station. She laughed. She graduated in 85 from my high school and knew me very well. “It’s ok to be a little afraid. Let’s go get a bite to eat and talk it over. You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” We went to a McDonalds up the street but I couldn’t eat. I was so nervous! I worried that Ronnie would leave when he couldn’t find me anywhere in that cabin. Then what would I do? What could I say?

By the time Lori’s food arrived we had talked enough that I felt confident I was doing the right thing. Lori didn’t say a word the whole time. I did all the talking. I convinced myself this was the right thing to do. We had her food packed to go and returned to the cabin. We could have gone through the front door but I thought it was better to crawl back through the window. Darn! Someone closed and locked that window so we had to go through the front door. Ugh! I didn’t want everyone to know I bailed! Oh well, it only mattered to one person if I bailed or not. As soon as I walked through the door I scanned the room and there he was…leaning up against a wall in the living room. The look on his face was pure joy. He started to walk towards me but stopped, my smile assured him I was walking straight over to him.

I walked right up to him, pushed my hands inside his jacket around his waist and pressed my head against his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair then held my face in his hands so we were looking right at each other. “Heather, I WANT to do this but we don’t NEED to do this.” I blushed and buried my face in his chest. “I know. I just want to have a nice party for you.”

We played a few rounds of quarter with nearly warm beer because the fridge didn’t work right. Was I going to call the management to take care of it? No! We were all under aged and there were far more people in the cabin than allowed.

After awhile Ronnie said it was time for me to stop so I stopped playing and stopped socializing. I am sure I stopped making sense to anyone. Kay-Kay had already explained that we were there for the night so he put me to bed in “our room.” He noticed the sheer robe on the bed and asked about it. “That goes with a little something the girls took me shopping for today.” I decided to show him what that was all about. I had pondered what to do about the lingerie. Rather than having to change into it I would wear it under my clothes. Ronnie and I seemed to do better about getting all hot and bothered when we were both fully clothed and this would have been a nice surprise. I sat up in the bed, unbuttoned my shirt a little to show him a bit of it and he took a deep breath. He didn’t say a word but leaned over and kissed me.

Then he mentioned the Champaign Jim sent over with him. The Champaign had been in the room since Ronnie got there but we were sure it might still be a little chilled from the trip over. We drank a few glasses while we talked about how much we had missed each other. Specifically, seeing each other face to face, holding each others hands, being held…then one thing lead to another and we were laying down on the bed, hot and breathing heavily.

All of a sudden I jumped up! And yelled “STOP!!!” Poor Ronnie “Are you kidding me?” I was trying to make my way off the bed “No, Really! Stop!” Then I couldn’t speak. I was holding my mouth and pushing him away. I did the hand motions for WAIT! WAIT! I took a few breaths and in between I said “Get K - Get K! Need K!” Poor Ronnie didn’t know what to think but he ran out of the room. Ronnie didn’t come back in the room but Kay- Kay and Dizzy-D did and said “Come on! It’s Ronnie! He loves you….” Just before they started in on all the reasons I love Ronnie I said “I HURT! {gagging} My stomach!”

This was something they had heard before…not from me but they knew what to do. In a matter of seconds they opened the bedroom door and announced that everyone look at the front door for a BIG surprise! Then Dizzy said to me “Run to the bathroom. HURRY!” I ran from the bedroom through the living room where there were more than 20 people watching the front door. Then through the kitchen where I almost knocked over Flic and made it into the bathroom. I heard someone say “Did Heather run through here naked?” I was mortified! I wasn’t naked! I was wearing the lingerie but still if they would have said lingerie I would have felt the same.

Warm beer and warm champagne do not mix well in a body that is only 98 lbs. I thought I had it all figured out, I would be so smashed I couldn’t screw it up this time. Now I was in the bathroom with everything in my stomach making a quick exit. Flic and Giggles were in there with me right away. As soon as Kay-Kay and Dizzy-D knew I made it in the bathroom they came in. Flic was holding my hair back and Giggles put a wet wash cloth on the back of my neck. Dizzy-D laughingly said “Only you could be so nervous. You love the guy and now he has to sweat it out …again.” I started crying and Kay-Kay said “Don’t worry. He loves you. He knows you love him and you are trying.” Giggles and Flic added “We can fix your make up and we have toothpaste to freshen up your breath.”

Then a knock came at the bathroom door…it was Ronnie and he was really worried “Heather? Are you ok? Is she ok?” We all laughed!! Then there was a unanimous “She will be out in a minute!” Not only did I love Ronnie but all of my friends thought he was the perfect guy for me. They had never said that about any other guy I dated. Mostly, they hated any guy I had dated before hand. For all of them to agree that one particular guy was perfect for me was just amazing. He had the approval of my best friends, my guy friends and every friend I had. Even my parents liked him!

On top of all of that he was the reason I could breath. I loved him so very much. Then, there I am kneeling to the porcelain god, being violently ill. There was no mistaking what I was doing in that bathroom. I was so embarrassed I just couldn’t follow through. I wanted to, more than anything but now…magic doesn’t follow this sort of trip to the bathroom.

My friends patched up my make up and gave me enough toothpaste to poison an elephant. When the bathroom door opened Ronnie was standing right there. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me straight to the bed room and laid me on the bed “Do you want water? Soda? Anything at all. I will get it for you.” I reached out my hand and stroked his face. “I just want you to hold me” and he did. He placed my left arm across his chest to his right shoulder while placing my head on his left shoulder and he wrapped his arms lightly around me. With a light sigh he said “I love you. Thank you for the party. It was a great party.” I sort of laughed. “Yeah! Some party. I’m sorry. I did try. I did want to…” he shhhed me and said “I know you wanted to. This isn’t easy for you. I Love You. I love you Now, Forever and Always. Always. I Love you. It will happen when it’s the right time for both of us.”

I fell asleep for a little while. It couldn’t have been long because I could still hear music and people in the living room. He was still holding me. It was such a nice, warm, safe feeling that I couldn’t help myself. He was asleep but he woke up when I kissed him. We started kissing. Heavy breathing ensued and he held me tighter and tighter. Soon he was looming over top of me kissing my neck and his arms running under my back. He rubbed his cheeks against mine and said “I love you. I want to be with you …always. You are my love. My one and only. I love you.”

I was so intoxicated with his kisses and his words. I knew all along I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was agony being away from him for past few months. I need him like I needed air to breath. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close. I kissed him as if my last breath of life depended on it. He kissed my neck and I kissed his. What ever he did to me I mirrored to him. If his body flinched upward so did mine. He kissed my ears and I was lost in a translucent pink fog. Then I felt his presence in mine.

A fearful gasped escaped out of me. He was slowly pushing his way into me. I was confused. It didn’t make my body feel wonderful and tingly like the kissing, gentle touching and being in his arms. It was pressure and painful, like banging your knee on the corner of a coffee table, over and over again. I didn’t know what to do. I froze. He kissed me very gently over and over again while asking me if I was ok. Instinctively I nodded. I kissed him back and he moved …he moved inside me and each time I gasped. I was trying to control my breathing so I wouldn’t cry. This was new to me and I didn’t know how to react. I was afraid but the more he kissed me, the more his arms and hands touched my back and grasped me the more I felt this was right. Sometimes squeezing me too tightly and sometimes very gentle. The pain wouldn’t go away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop. His movements became faster … faster. His breathing was heavy and quick. Suddenly he said “Stop! Don’t move!” Then he reached his climax and erupted inside me. The combination of his breathing and the explosion felt wonderful.
It felt like his heart was wrapping its self around me. He stopped moving, kissed me long and hard then laid next to me. I felt relived to have him out of me. But I also felt our souls had been bound together, forever.

While catching his breath he pulled me next to him and squeezed me tightly and asked “Are you? Are you sure you are ok? Did I hurt you?” I held on to him tightly saying “I’m ok. I’m ok.” I don’t know if I was trying to convince him or myself. I felt tears running down my face. I was so confused, I felt sad and happy at the same time. Ronnie loved me. I was sure of that. He would never hurt me. He only wanted to be closer to me. Bound with me. We wanted to be together always and this was a bond that couldn’t be broken. It was very uncomfortable for my body but for my heart it was the most extreme moment of my life.

I was so happy. Then I couldn‘t control the tears that were now running down my face like a waterfall. I didn’t know why at first. He felt the tears on his chest. He leaned over on his side and laid me down on the pillow and in a choked up voice said “Heather! Heather, are you ok? Oh please be ok.” I took a few breaths and said “I’m ok.” the crying grew and he was feeling so sorrowful. I thought of him saying “Don’t Move” and I started to cry more. I sobbed into his shoulder “Did I do it wrong? I‘m sorry. I‘m so sorry.” He half laughed and held me closer. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is what is suppose to happen.” Ok, so I didn’t do it wrong but I was still crying. There was something else. “Heather, it’s ok. I promise.” I couldn’t stop myself … It had to come out --- I sobbed so wearily “We’re, ….we’re noooot, ….married. I promised and I’m not suppose to…” He held me so tightly I could hardly breath, stoked my hair over and over while kissing all over my face. He said “Shhh. It will be ok. Shhhh. We are getting married. We will get married tomorro, next week, next month or 1989. Whenever you say. I wont rush you. Know this, we will be married. I will be your husband and you my wife. We are ok. We are ok.” My arms closed around his shoulders and I took a few breaths. I could breath and the tears drifted away. Before this night I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. We jumped over this line drawn in the sands of life together …together forever.

Wait A Minute Mr. Postman

While Ronnie was in basic training I went to school, work and even took a night school class once a week. The rest of the time I went out with my friends. Our senior year started, I should have felt like I was on top of the world but I missed Ronnie. I read the page he wrote in my year book over and over again. Before bed I would sit in my room listening to the radio remembering that I had danced with Ronnie to every song that came on. How it felt to be held in his arms. How he would smile when I looked up at him. The way he would pull me across the front seat of his car if he thought I was sitting too far away from him. The way he interlocked his fingers into mine when we held hands and kiss my hand periodically. Then I would cry myself to sleep.

A normal week day for me was to wake up, go to school, leave half day for work study at Montgomery Wards then go home. If I was off work I would rush home at lunch time to wait for the mail man. I would sit at the front window on mailbox watch. Waiting and waiting for the mail truck to turn our corner. Just as I thought I had the mailman’s routine down he changed it. Across the room was a window facing our back yard. While sitting at the front window I would steel a few glances at the back window. Eventually, I saw him turn off the street behind us which meant he was coming to our street! Yeah! Mail!

Then I watched in complete horror as he drove past our street and continued up the main street. I threw myself on the living room couch and yelled “WHERE IS HE GOING?!!”



My Mom came in the room laughing “It is lunch time. He needs to eat too you know.” Our poor mailman. I would spend the next hour pacing back and forth in the front room wishing horrid things upon him (to take place AFTER he delivered MY mail). The hour would pass by ever so slowly. Finally! Here he comes! I would rush out the door and watch him place each piece of mail in the mail box.

If there was a letter from Ronnie I would just toss the other mail on the couch as I ran upstairs to my room. I locked my door, laid down on my bed and read the letter three or four times. I had to read them over and over again because I might have missed a word here or there through my tears. The letters were few and far between. This upset me a great deal but my parents kept reminding me he is not off on vacation. He was being put through many rough, rigorous days and there was barely enough time for sleep let alone writing to a silly girl who wants to beat up the mailman. I waited and waited to hear from Ronnie and I tried to be patient.

Of course there were many days waiting by the mail box where I didn’t receive a letter. Poor mailman. The terrible looks I gave him were as though it was HIS fault. I knew it wasn’t his fault but I was upset and he was standing there.

Friday, November 1, 1985, Ronnie didn’t call and no letter in my mailbox. It was our anniversary and he didn’t even send a post card or anything! Sunday came and still no word from Ronnie. I was completely miserable. I gave up and went to Players with my friends. Did I mention I was miserable? When I finally stopped crying I became angry with the whole world.

As soon as I entered Players my friends all ran over to congratulate me “Happy Anniversary!!” and “What did Ronnie have to say? How is he doing?” To which I replied “Ronnie who?” Flic enthusiastically said “Ya know. Y’er sweetie! Y’er honey! Yer Loverboy.” It was a good thing Giggles got between Flic and I. Strangling her would not have solved anything. I plopped myself down in one of the chairs at our table and sobbed “I guess he stopped thinking about me. He doesn’t love me any more.” Huggles, K-Kay and Flic all tried to cheer me up with “Of course he loves you. Maybe they have him camping or something where there is no phone.” Giggles and Dizzy-D on the other hand were all “So what if he doesn’t? It’s not like it’s the end of the world or anything. Every time you break up with a guy there are at least five guys waiting in line to go out with you. Seriously, when was the last time you didn’t have a boyfriend?” Ok it was true that I was usually dating someone but it did feel like the world was coming to an end.

My friends did their best to cheer me up and got me up on the dance floor a few times. When a slow song came on I would just run to the bathroom. This way I could avoid anyone asking me to dance. Also, it gave me a place to cry. Those slow songs were love songs and made me think of Ronnie. Giggles said I couldn’t hide myself away from the world by running to the bathroom all the time so she made me stay put at the table during the next slow dance.

Sure enough some new guy came up and asked me to dance. I looked at my friends like “Are you freaken kidding me?!” I looked at the guy and very sweetly said I couldn’t dance with him because I have a boyfriend. Apparently that was ok with him. “We are engaged.” “That’s ok, it’s only one dance. Nothing else.” I looked to my friends for some back up but they were all smiles “Come on. He’s cute. He seems nice.” and “Are you sure you have a boyfriend.” Ok, maybe his friends were watching and what guy wants to be shot down in flames in front of his pals? So I went up on the dance floor with him. It was just a dance after all, right?

He was nice. He talked a lot, kept a respectable distance and didn’t try any funny business. He even tried to cheer me up. Then the second slow song came on and it was Madonna - Crazy For You. I couldn’t breath! My face was suddenly wet with tears. I RAN off the dance floor, snatched my purse of the table and made a mad dash for the door! In my hurry to get out I almost knocked down Ronnie’s sister Gina. She said hello or something but I was running to fast to hear what she said.

I got in to my car and started driving. How I managed to get out of that parking lot without hitting anything was just short of a miracle. I couldn’t see anything through all of my tears. I wanted them to stop, just long enough for me to get home. I hate crying! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! Just then I heard someone honking their horn behind me. What a Jerk! Don’t mess with me right now! I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Gina hanging out the passenger side window waving wildly. Apparently she wanted me to pull over. I don’t know why I stopped the car but I did. Right in the middle of the road! They pulled over on the side of the road and Gina stepped out. I saw her coming towards my car so I got out. When she reached me she started to say something but instead of talking she hugged me and I cried hysterically.

When I became somewhat normal and could actually form real words, I asked if anyone at her house had heard from Ronnie recently. “Are you kidding? He always calls or writes you first. I was going to ask you if you had heard from him.” “No. I haven’t heard from him in awhile. It was our anniversary too and he didn’t even send a note or anything. Not one little word from him.” “I know. Remember, he is a guy. Even though he is my brother, I say give him a few more days. I am sure someone will hear from him. If we hear from him first we will call you. You have to do the same too. If you hear from him let us know he is ok and stuff.” Since I had calmed down quit a bit she asked me to come back to Players and we would all make a great night of it. She jokingly said “I’m not my brother but I would dance with you. If that helps.” It made me laugh. Still, I was worn out now and didn’t feel like going back to Players. I thanked her for talking to me and everything but I was going home.

When I got home my Mom told me that both Ronnie and his Mom called. “Oh GREAT! I finally stop waiting by the phone and he calls! I missed his call. I give up!” I stomped up the stairs to my room and crawled into bed with the phone. Just incase Ronnie tried to call again. He didn't.

Ronnie was apparently trying to live up to the promises he made to everyone that he would write to them. Even my friend Giggles! I was so jealous! Why did he write to her?! He had no business writing to her when he could be spending that time writing to me. Silly, I know but I was a tortured teenage soul. The Home Coming dance was just around the corner and Ronnie wasn’t able to come home.

Hi Cuddles,
How are you? I’m really good. I feel like a brand new person, thanks to you. Ronnie sent me a post card yesterday. I left it at home, but I’ll bring it tomorrow. Saturday I’m going to get the car and we’ll all go to the game. It starts at 2:00. I say we should get there between one and one-fifteen because they’ll be a lot of people there. If everything is okay with you now I want to go back to buddying around together. Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you in 3rd period.

Love lots,
Giggles

She got mail from My Ronnie?! I was giving our mailman the evil eye for days and she got mail? I didn’t feel like I was very important to Ronnie at that moment. I was actually fuming at the thought she got mail and I didn’t! After class we Angels were walking up the hallway in school together. Everyone was chatty and making plans for the game. I was to angry to speak. I heard Patrick (guy pal) running up behind us but I didn’t even turn around to look at him. Of all my guy pals he was the one who carried me to my classes the most. When I heard his voice right behind me I stopped dead in my tracks, my body stiffened, my hands clenched into fists then I said in a voice I had never heard before “Don’t. Touch. Me.” My friends backed away. Patrick was really surprised “Whoa. What gives?” He started to scoop me up but I turned around, my face in his and gave him a stare that would have made the devil himself go cold. Patrick took a few steps back and I started to walk ahead. My friends stood where they were and hugged poor Patrick. I was good bit ahead of them but I could still hear what they were saying. “She’ll be fine. Just whatever you do, don’t touch her. She’s moody. Totally moody.” Patrick asked why so they explained “She hasn’t heard from Ronnie in a while. He even missed their anniversary. He also wrote to Giggles.” Then Patrick said to Giggles “Oh, so is he your guy now?” I was so angry I couldn’t see straight!

That night I called Mrs. Leadore to see if they had heard from Ronnie today. “Not today. Did your Mom tell you he tried to call you a few times last night? Leanne called to say she got a letter.” I told her my friend Giggles got a post card. “He said he would call Sunday nights around 7 or 8.” Now I would have to wait a whole week! UGH! The thought of him writing to Leanne was a bit more than I could take. Who is she? She is the mean girl with a huge crush on Ronnie. The one who said mean things to me and Ronnie told her to back off. Why would he write to her? He didn’t think too much of her. He just sort of put up with her because they both worked at Murphy’s Mart. So, he was writing to a girl he doesn’t like and to his fiancé’s friend but not to his family, best friends or his fiancé.

I didn’t cry any more. I couldn’t, there were no more tears left in me. Instead I sort of just grew numb. This wasn’t very comforting to my family and friends but hey, at least I stopped biting people’s heads off for absolutely no reason at all. That had to give them some sort of relief.

I know Mrs. Leadore said Ronnie would call on Sundays but I couldn't make myself leave the house that night. What if he called and I was out again? I wasn't chancing it. A watched phone never rings. It was driving my Mom crazy. She tried and tried to get me out of the house for at least a little while. Nothing was going to get me out of the house that night.

My guy pals John (from band) and Patrick were a little concerned about my zombie attitude. “What happened to the happiest girl in the world. The one that was always smiling. The girl everyone wanted to hang out with. Going to school is always rough but just knowing we would see that beautiful bright smile really picked us up on bad days.” It was true, I was a super upbeat personality. Nothing got me down. I bounced through the hallways at school. I was the peppiest of the peppiest. Now I had become a zombie. Trolling through the hallways without expression. No determination other than to move from class to class and go home at the end of the day. I was just going through the motions. I even stopped going to my school clubs and PomPoms…forget it. Nothing mattered to me any more. I had to just face the fact that I might hear from Ronnie and I might not. There was absolutely nothing I could do about but wait.